A Mite Unpredictable
by RingPrincess
Summary: Set after Serenity, the life of the crew continues and changes as the past affects the present. Mainly Rayne or JayneRiver. Chapter Eight: To Hell in a Handbasket, things are starting off well in our latest venture, but as we know nothing ever goes smooth
1. Chapter 1

A Might Unpredictable  
Chapter One  
It Weren't Right  
By RingPrincess

Jayne shifted his weight onto his other leg as he tried to remember why he was standing outside of River Tam's door with a thin large white box in his large hands. He supposed it came down to one sentence. It weren't right. In hundreds of ways it weren't right and he wasn't sure where to begin on categorizing them all. He licked his lips and took a deep breath and knocked on the edge of her door.

It weren't right her having to live like this. She wasn't meant for a life in the black. And it weren't because she was a pretty delicate thing that was only meant to look ornamental. She'd a brain, a damn good one. Course that's what had caused her bein' out here in the first place, but with a brain like that she should be someplace where she could learn things appropriate for her brain. Not out here in the bufu nowhere of the 'verse bein' shot at and hunted like a prize pet. Sure, she was pretty and delicate lookin', but Jayne Cobb weren't fooled by looks as much as the rest of 'em on. He knew that plenty of deadly things came in small pretty packages.

The door slid open enough for River to look through, half a face, dominated by a large brown eye and a mess of dark brown hair. Her face didn't change when she saw him, not that he had expected it too.

It weren't right that in the aftermath of the situation that she'd been forgotten. No one had remembered to thank her or praise her or anything show appreciation for the way she'd saved them. It was like everyone was tryin' to put the entire situation as far behind 'em as fast as possible. They put the dead to rest and thanked whatever late at night or what passed for night in the black that they were still alive. None of that gratitude seemed to go in her direction. She didn't make a big deal of it. Maybe she didn't think anything of it. Perhaps to her killing so many reavers weren't hard and so she didn't need the thanks. Or maybe she felt the gratitude late at night and didn't need it verbalized. Didn't make it right. Things like that should be said and Jayne Cobb was aimin' to make it did.

He cleared his throat and steadfastly kept his eyes on her face. He didn't need to get distracted by the rest of her body, pressed up against the other side of the door where he couldn't see. Not that he needed to see.

It weren't right he knew what her body looked like under those oversized clothes her _go se_ brother provided her to wear. Of course, meeting a person stark naked for the first time does tend to leave a lastin' impression. She was all pale skin, lithe muscle and dark hair. Pert breasts that were just large enough to fit a man's hand. The clothes she wore didn't do her justice. They hid all those curves, made her shapeless. It drove him to want to tear them off her so he could see, see her in all her glory, a creature of contrasts, light and dark, small and strong.

It weren't right that he knew what that body could do. Light on her feet, graceful, River Tam didn't walk, she danced. Every movement was a part of a great dance made just by one foot movin' in front of the other. And when she fought their wasn't room in the dance for anyone else. She didn't need anyone else. Flexible, fast, she reacted to those around her before they even knew what they were going to do. Jayne knew what he wanted to do and it was a different type of fight. A fight that would leave them both sweaty and panting, sated, curled around each other unsure who was the winner and who was the loser.

It weren't right that every time he went to a cathouse lately he chose girls that looked like her. Biting his tongue every time as he came to keep from screaming her name. He didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings or let them know that he was thinking of round expressive faces with large soft lips, bee stung he thought they called them. Though why a bee would sting lips was beyond him. Perhaps because they looked swollen and kissable, so kissable that they were makin' him seriously reconsider his no kissing on the lips policy. The tangle of wavy brown hair he wanted to work his way through the knots with his fingers.

It weren't right that she'd forgiven him. For Ariel, for being stupid in general, she had to have known what was going on but hadn't said a word. He didn't know why. He hadn't been planning on having a change of heart. If she thought that, River had more faith in his nature than even Kaylee. She'd forgiven him enough to protect him and not kill him even when she wasn't really in control of her body.

It weren't right he respected her. Dangerous, unpredictable, the two qualities that he liked most about himself he saw in her even when she was at her most quiet. The way she knew things and would do them before they even had a plan in place, like that time with Badger. He knew she was a better shot than he was, could fight better too. And she loved the fighting. He could tell, even backlit as she'd been when those doors had opened. He'd seen the light in her eyes, the preparedness in her stance, relaxed yet tensed. Ready to do more, eager to do more. He swore she'd looked at him in that second and understanding had passed between them. They were mutual predators and knew it.

It weren't right that all of this made him attracted to her, despite the age difference. He didn't care about age. Age didn't matter out here in the black. Age was a thing for planets and "civilized" people who put limits and rules on love and the appropriateness of things. It was why Jayne didn't live on a planet, too many rules. He lusted after her, mayhap even liked her and deep down he was scared he might love her.

It weren't right he was thinking about her even as he walked through the marketplace of yet another gorram planet. He couldn't tell you why he'd happened to glance into the window of that shop. After that his feet had had a mind of their own and he was goin' inside and buying what he'd seen, paying coin for something he wasn't even sure she'd like. Yet doing it anyways 'cause he was stupid gorram fool.

He looked down at the box in his hands. He should've got it wrapped with a ribbon around it. Made it all purty and shiny like she was. Yet, he hadn't wanted to stick out more than he already had. No one needed to know about this. He looked back up at River and thrust the box at her, inside of his palms all damp. "I, uh," He lost track of the words and looked away from her eyes and at her door. A full-grown man shouldn't feel like this, especially around an eighteen-year-old girl. "I saw this and thought you might like it." His gaze flicked to her face. She wasn't frowning or anything. He plunged on. "'Cause I appreciate what ya did for us and I'm still sorry about that mess on Ariel an alls."

River slid the door open more. A slight frown creased her face. "A gift?"

Jayne's shoulder's sagged. "Yeah a gift." He wiggled the box. "Go on, take it. Don't get enough gifts as it is to be refusin' this one."

She took the box from his hands with a long look from between strands of hair. He wiped his hands off on his pants as she pushed the top off while steadying the box with her other hand. She looked up at him then down back at the box, whatever was inside underneath a sheet of tissue paper. She stepped back into the room and placed the box top onto the bed and pushed the paper out of the way. Her eyes widened.

Jayne coughed. "I know it isn't something you'd normally wear, _dong ma_. But every girl should have something shiny every once in a while." He shuffled a bit and turned around. "Well, I gotta, uh," he paused. "You know, got things to do." He started to walk down the hall towards the cargo bay.

"Jayne!" River shouted, words torn from her lips working past the shock.

Jayne stopped and turned. "Yeah?" He started as she was right there on his heels already. He hadn't even heard her, prolly wasn't wearing shoes again.

"Thank you." She murmured shoving up onto her tiptoes and planting a light kiss on his cheek. She smiled at him before whirling around and heading back to her bunk with a swish of cotton. Jayne stared after her as the door slammed shut. He reached up and rubbed his cheek where she'd kissed him.

Nope. It weren't right.

--


	2. Chapter 2

A Might Unpredictable  
Chapter Two  
A Dress that Fits  
By RingPrincess

River didn't have to look around to make sure no one was coming or in the room with her. She could tell where they were by their thoughts and feelings or the lack thereof in the general vicinity of the ship. The closest was Jayne, confused and shocked in the corridor but walking away. Simon was in the infirmary his thoughts firmly on Kaylee. River giggled. The rest of the ship was empty all other members of the crew somewhere on planet. The noise of which hummed in the back of her mind, so many conflicting thoughts and feelings she didn't ever bother to try and sort them out. Still, she tiptoed over to the bed, where the box sat at the angle she'd hastily put it before running after Jayne.

She reached out and shifted the tissue paper aside again. Jayne had said it perfectly. It wasn't something she would normally wear or even remotely have owned in her previous life. She ran her fingers across the fabric, ghosting, almost surprised when it didn't catch on her fingertips. The way she knew it had to have done when Jayne touched it with his big calloused hands. She snatched her hands back cradling them to her chest and admired how the light reflected off the silk. This was something Inara would wear, not River, not her. Yet Jayne had bought it for her, a dress made of silk, a dress not for a girl but for the woman he saw in his head when he saw her.

She stared at her, head to tilted to the side. The dress wasn't proper. Even still folded she could tell there wasn't enough fabric to make the type of dress she wore as a child. This wasn't a dress for a lady, a girl or a child. This was a dress for a woman. She tentatively reached out and lifted it by its delicate straps. Gathered at the bust, tapered to the hips where it flared in folds and folds of wispy ripples, dark blue. She dropped it into the box with a sigh of fabric and her fingers trembled as she reached behind and worked at the zipper of the dress she was currently wearing, tugging and wriggling. The cotton jumper fell to her feet and she didn't even bother to step out of it as she pulled the new dress over her head. She giggled with delight at the softness of the fabric against her skin.

She ran her hands down her body, stopping for a moment to cup her breasts with wide eyes as she realized the dress actually gave her cleavage. She glanced over her shoulder to try and see the back, which was a web of straps leaving her back mainly bare and because looking over her shoulder was difficult and threw her slightly off balance she twirled on her toes and began to spin about giggling. She halted and shoved the door open, running out the hall. She had to find Jayne and show him how his gift looked.

She reached out with her mind trying to sense his confused feelings from earlier but they were missing. She frowned. She couldn't sense him at all. It felt like he wasn't on the ship or anywhere near it. Which had to be wrong since he'd come back from town. Why would he head back out when they were leaving in two hours, thirty-six minutes and forty-eight seconds? A glance in the infirmary window proved that Simon and Kaylee were storing some new medical supplies. She sneaked past not wanting them to see the dress. Since they'd ask where she'd gotten it and that would lead to answers she didn't want to give.

The cargo bay was full of boxes but no Jayne. No dirty layer of jumbled ideas that if sorted out would scream 'big tough merc' to anybody with the time and the patience to read it and nothing deeper underneath. Grime thoughts over a wall. She darted up the steps and through the kitchen to the crew corridor. His emotions were usually blank to her unless they were really strong, like his nervousness and confusion from earlier or the deeply embedded guilt he'd had on Ariel, almost as if he knew what he was doing was wrong long before seeing her brain. Jayne's bunk was unlocked and she rapped on the door. When no answer was forthcoming she frowned and opened his bunk and climbed down the ladder. She reached for the light and flipped it on.

"Jayne?" She asked the empty space. Her eyes traveling over the walls covered in neatly racked weapons.

She gasped. There on proud display, gleaming in the dim light were the weapons she'd used when fighting the Reavers. The room was small enough that she could reach out and brush her fingertips over the blades of the machete and ax. River shook her head sharply and dropped her hand. Why had Jayne kept them? She didn't even remember setting them down after the Feds had relaxed their weapons. And with the way they'd been covered in blood he had taken a long time to clean them to make them look so pristine they glowed even in this dim light. River's eyes fluttered closed. She could feel them in her hands, a steadying weight. She could smell metal and meat. Her heart thundered against her rib cage and she licked her lips, warmth spreading through her. Involuntarily her hand went back out and grasped the hilt of the machete, lifting it from the brackets. River's muscles quivered and her eyes snapped opened for a few seconds dark and rich focused intently on the blade.

'Kill,' a portion of her brain whispered. Her eyes hooded. 'Kill them all. Red, blood, death, beat them, destroy, kill. Feast on their pain. Love their fear.'

It woke her from her trance and she gasped, dropping the blade. It clanged as it hit the floor and she jumped back to keep it from hitting her toes. She clasped her hands to her head. "No," she whimpered. "No, no." She rocked back forth on her toes. "No," she moaned. 'Girl not a killer.' She thought. 'Girl doesn't like it, doesn't like the way it makes her feel. Girl not killer.' Shaking she reached down and picked up the machete by two fingers and placed it back in the brackets and fled the cabin, switching off the lights and scampering up the ladder without looking back. She ran through the kitchen and almost stumbled down the stairs.

Once in the hall, Simon's voice made her halt in her tracks and she pressed against the wall trying to become invisible.

"She doesn't feel emotions like you and me Kaylee." Simon's voice drifted through the open infirmary door. "Well, she feels emotions, but I don't think she feels her own emotions. She's disconnected from them somehow to protect herself."

"Of course she feels," Kaylee scoffed. "She feels all the time. I thought that was part of what you were trying to cure."

Simon grimaced and shut the drawer he had been sorting syringes into carefully. He turned and leaned against the counter. "I'm not so sure." He shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair leaving tracks. "I think that because she feels everybody else's emotions so often she's been cut off from her own. Our emotions fuel hers. And her inability to not feel others thoughts and feelings leaves her confused especially with the lot of us together in close quarters all at once. I'm not even sure how far her range is and if I asked I doubt she could tell me."

Kaylee frowned and came up to lean against him. "I thought the drugs and Miranda was helping."

"They are but they took parts of her brain away. I can't replace that with drugs. I also know they were giving her different drugs at the academy. The drugs I'm giving her could be reacting with the trace drugs in her system and aggravating the problem rather than fixing it. I just don't know anymore _bei-bao._"

"She loves you."

"Does she? How far did they get in their program? What exactly were they trying to do with her? How long will this good period last?"

"Simon." Kaylee murmured and grabbed his head between her hands. "You've got to stop beating yourself up like this."

Simon took a ragged breath.

River clutched her upper arms in her hands, hugging herself. Her eyes were wide and she edged along the wall. Every question made her flinch as if the words were fists carefully placed. Once she was close enough she dove for her room and slid the door shut behind her and huddled into the corner not even risking unclasping her arms to put them around her knees.

"Not mine," she muttered. "Not mine, not mine, not mine." She rocked back and forth as emotions assaulted no longer sure whose was whose or which was which. Should she fight them or let them stay, what was true and real and what was invasion. The buzz from the city became louder and River rocked harder. "Not mine, not mine, not mine."

--

Deep in the black night and day didn't matter. Radiations of stars that made up the center of solar systems were meaningless. Yet in ship time it was night. Everything was shut down and not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. River stifled a giggle as she crept from her bunk, only a river, flowing and a Jayne sitting.

River tiptoed towards him. She couldn't tell if he was thinking or not. She sat down next to him. "Wanted to show you the dress." She said.

Jayne jumped, cursed and looked at her. "Don't do that. Worse than a gorram cat."

"Will remember to ring bell." River smiled at him. "Wanted to show you dress, but got distracted. Sorry."

"I'll see it sometime." He ducked his head.

She shook her head. "Wanted to show. Wanted you to see. Felt regular. Felt like a girl was supposed to feel after getting a gift. Wanted to share. Now don't know if any of it was true. How can be a regular girl if I don't feel?"

Jayne leaned down. "Whatcha goin' on 'bout now?"

"Don't feel."

Jayne's eyebrow rose. "Not the way I sees it. Seems to be your nothing but emotion and a tiny bit of action."

"Not mine." River sighed and her shoulders hunched.

"Says who?"

"Simon."

"Well, the Doc's crazy, well not as crazy as you, but still crazy." Jayne crossed his arms. "I ain't smart like the twos of you, but if you can't feel emotions how could you feel anybody elses. Don't make a mite of sense."

River shook her head. "Feel only others and not own."

"If you never felt them, how do yous know what they is?" Jayne couldn't help but ask.

River shrugged.

"What are feelin's anyways?"

"Chemicals created as a reaction to being in certain situations."

"Chemicals," Jayne snorted. "Chemicals run amok. Feelin's don't make a wit of sense either. Feelin's have their own sense and we can't control it."

"Not true." River shook her head.

Jayne's eyes narrowed. "Lemme finish. We can control our reaction to it, but we can't control our brains and bodies from makin' these chemicals."

"Like in a fight," River shivered.

Jayne nodded. "As good example as any."

"You like fighting."

"What kinda statement is that. Course I like fightin', wouldn't do it if I didn't."

"Like the killin'."

"There's a certain satisfaction to it." Jayne shrugged.

"Does it make you feel happy?"

Jayne scowled.

"You ever feel happy?" River tilted her head. "Never feel happiness from Jayne. Feel anger, fear, guilt, but not happiness or pleasure. Does killing do that for you?"

"It don't make me happy."

"Then why?" River dug her fingernails into her palms.

Jayne noticed and grabbed her hands, prying the fingers up before she could cut herself. "Somebody's got to do it. I just happen to be good at it and if those who are good at it don't do the killin' those who are bad at it will and a lot more lives will be lost."

River stared at him, his hands engulfing hers. "Sounds noble."

He snorted. "Nothing noble about it, just facts. I work for money, don't much care where it comes from."

"Used to be true, not now."

He glanced into her eyes and looked back at her hands. "You readin' my mind."

"No." She whispered. 'Can't.' She thought.

"Cause it ain't a place for women like you." He continued as if she hadn't said the simple word.

"I kill too." She looked away. "Do you enjoy killing? Does it make you feel alive?" She paused. "Aroused?"

Jayne dropped her hands. "What's gotten into you?"

"Adrenaline rush, uncertainty of death, feeling of life, excess energy, relief of still living." She murmured. "Desire for other body and heat. Lust for battle, blood and body."

Jayne shifted his weight. He stared at the back of her head, palms sweating. He rubbed them on his pants.

She looked back at him. "Feel that. What type of woman am I? Enjoy danger, thrill of testing limits of body and luck, like feel of flesh giving away to and from greater force, desire others afterwards, then regret."

Jayne swallowed, unsure of what to say. In her strange way she had put forth everything he felt about fighting and the feelings that came with it. "Dangerous," he croaked from a dry mouth.

"Not evil?"

"Evil's a lot of things and I'm not a preacher to be versed in evil, but what little I know of it, you ain't anywhere near close to bein' evil. Everyone's got a dark side. Guess this is yours. Gorramit, 'tis mine." He shook his head. "Just gotta accept it. That's all. If you don't, eatcha up inside 'til there's nothing left to question it. Ain't bad as dark sides go."

River sat still for a few more minutes and slid off the box. "Show you the dress later." She said over her shoulder as she headed back to her room.

Jayne stared after her. What kind of end was that to a conversation? He froze. He and Crazy had just had a conversation. A real conversation and he hadn't questioned it until after it'd happened, crazy, absolutely crazy.

--


	3. Chapter 3

A Mite Unpredictable  
Chapter Three  
Torrid Love Affair  
By RingPrincess

"Mal," Inara said, taking a deep breath. "It's time, time for me to go back."

Mal's eyes narrowed and his jaw tensed as he frowned. "Back where?"

Inara's eyes flicked away into the cargo hold. "To the Companion House."

"I thought you hadn't decided yet." He said as he leaned towards her.

Inara's eyes closed. "I haven't."

Mal thought about that for a few moments. "All right."

Inara's shoulders relaxed minutely. "All right."

"It's a good place to look for a job as any." Mal nodded and turned away.

Inara stayed frozen in place as Mal jogged down the stairs and away. As usual, the things that should've been spoken weren't and the things that should be left alone had bubbled near the surface. If she were a petty woman she'd try to thrust the entire blame on him for the awkwardness of their entire situation. Yet, she couldn't. The tenseness had been there the very day they met, the day she fell in love with the ship and secretly with its captain. She wanted to stay, desperately wanted to be close to him and feared it as well. What she needed was to be fair to her position. She was a Companion. It was what she had trained for and fought to keep. The question was, could she remain true to that position and duty and balance it with her wants. "Torrid love affair," she whispered and gathered her skirts about her and descended the stairs.

"Those are the worst kind," River said from a seat on a box.

Inara's hand jumped to her chest as she started. "River."

River tilted her head and smiled. "And the best at the same time."

Jayne grunted. "And what would you know about that?" He pushed up the weight bar.

River looked over her shoulder at him. "Reading, in books."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Then you don't know nothing, books." He snorted.

Inara glanced between them. "How long have you two been there?"

River shrugged. "Thirty minutes and fifteen seconds."

Jayne grunted as he lifted the weight bar up and down. "Not much to do in space."

"Boredom, dreariness, ennui." River nodded.

"To understand love you've got experience it." Jayne returned to the former conversation.

River's eyebrows rose and she halfway turned to get a better look at him. "Volunteering?"

Jayne remained silent.

River smiled and jumped off the box and strolled behind the weight bench to look down at him. "Jayne's experienced love."

Jayne racked the bar and glared up at her. "Not your business."

River rested her arms on the bar. "A knife that's so sharp and clean it slices without resistance. Deep pain in the chest, doesn't realize it hurts 'til it's done."

"Ain't you poetical." He growled. "That's in the past."

"Wasn't talking about the cut," River dangled her arm down and touched his chest. "But about love."

He knocked her hand away and slid down the bench so he could sit up without touching River, any part of River. He rubbed his chest and stared at the floor grating.

Inara walked over and laid a hand on Jayne's shoulders. "Love hurts, too." She murmured. "That is the worst type of love."

Jayne looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. He snorted. "I reckon you'd know better than most."

Inara drew her hand back, her eye's slightly wide, lips parted.

"Being a Companion and all, supposed to know about these things." He continued.

Inara's hand dropped to her side. "I suppose." She murmured. "Excuse me." She walked deeper into the ship, following the footsteps of the captain.

River stared after her. "Scared, guilty."

Jayne gripped the edge of the bench. "Inara? Why for?"

"Past, present, future." River shrugged.

Jayne lay back down. "It'll sort itself out eventually. Spot me?"

--

Kaylee smiled. "I think it's all manner of shiny, you invitin' us to visit the Companion House."

Inara smiled back. "It'd relieve the tedium of being aboard ship and," she paused. "I could use the support."

"I bet it's all sorts of purty and shiny inside, like your shuttle." Kaylee nodded with a wistful expression. "All sorts of fancy."

Mal paused as he walked by. "What's this?"

Kaylee grinned. "Inara invitin' us all to see the Companion House when she goes back."

"Hold up, when was this extended. I don't remember any extendin'."

"I was going to do that just now before Kaylee stopped me." Inara stood up. "I haven't made my decision yet and I'd like you all to be there when I do."

"Once we get down there. We got us a schedule to keep without taking side trips to-" Mal trailed off.

"Go on, say it." Inara's voice tensed.

"Anyways, we got us a tight schedule. Tight." Mal said side stepping the issue.

"Change it." Inara crossed her arms.

Mal blinked. "What did you just say to me?"

"Change it." Inara bit out.

"I don't take orders from nobody, especially from those who are still guests on my ship."

"Well, I'm starting to reconsider staying. You can't have lined up a job in the last ten minutes since I requested going back, so any schedule you've cooked up must be a ploy to avoid saying good-bye to me. Since you did that so well last time."

Neither noticed Kaylee stand up and leave the common room.

Mal closed the distance between them. "In case you haven't noticed good byes aren't something I'm good at."

"Well, I'm glad the Wave finally came in."

"And leavin' last time was your decision, not mine." Mal's hands clenched into fists. "I don't want to stand in your way or influence you in any way when you make this decision."

"I'd prefer it if you did." Inara glared. "Go on Mal, influence me."

They stared at each other. Mal's jaw worked back and forth. Suddenly he spun on his heel and stalked out of the mess back to the bridge.

"Coward," Inara muttered.

Mal froze and like a fool he turned back around, strode across the room and grabbed her waist, crushing her lips with his. He tore away, "Invitation accepted." He gasped and retreated.

Inara's fingers brushed her lips and she collapsed onto the chair behind her. "Torrid love affair." She whispered.

--

Sheydra stood tall and statuesque on the terrace to the House, waiting for them sun glinting off her blonde hair. Arranged behind her in neat rows were robed students. All whispered fiercely to each other at the sight of Serenity's crew behind Inara.

"There's the pirate," one voice carried on the wind.

Inara's graceful walk faltered for a split second. Mal reached out and touched her elbow and she tried to discreetly shake him off.

"Pirate?" He murmured into her ear with a grin.

Sheydra saved Inara from having to make an answer. "Inara," she said, holding out her hands. "Welcome back."

Inara grasped them with a smile, succeeding in shaking off Mal, who stepped back. "Sheydra." At Sheydra's pointed look at Mal and the others, Inara let go of her hands. "I promised Captain Reynolds and his crew a tour."

Sheydra's eyebrows flew up and a ripple of murmurs went through the students. "Captain Reynolds," Sheydra held out her hand.

Mal bowed over it. "Any friend of Inara's is a friend of mine." He smiled.

Inara stiffened but pressed on. "His first mate, Zoë."

Zoë nodded.

Inara turned to Simon. "Dr. Tam."

Simon bowed. "Please, call me Simon."

Kaylee tucked her hand through his arm but didn't stop smiling or gawking. Her eyes came to rest on Sheydra for a moment. "Oh, I'm Kaylee."

"Best mechanic in the 'verse." Simon smiled.

"He's sweet, ain't he sweet?" Kaylee grinned up into Simon's face.

River brushed past Sheydra and the pupils into the terrace, spinning about, the folds of her midnight blue gown brushing her thighs, her hair tucked on top of her head with only a few tendrils left to soften her face, which was alight with a large smile.

Simon started towards her but Kaylee stopped him with a hand on his arm. "River," he said instead.

Kaylee clutched his arm tighter. "She ain't harmin' nothing."

River spun again and stared at the view.

Mal cocked his head. "I suppose it was worth it to see the smile on albatross' face."

River rolled her eyes. "Look, look and see with your eyes, captain." She held out her hand.

"I'll see it soon enough."

River shook her head in disappointment.

"Ah, you're no fun." Jayne said and pushed past them.

"Jayne, mind your manners."

"I got the lecture." He said as he turned to look at River was seeing. River grabbed his hand and pointed to the distance. "What am I looking at?"

"Depends on how far you want to look." River leaned back into him. He glanced down at her and back out to the mountains cloaked in clouds.

Sheydra smiled. "The view is quite lovely."

Inara moved past her. "Come on, I'll show you the rest." She linked her arm with Sheydra's.

"Ooh," Kaylee hurried after her. Simon shook his head and the crew trailed in Inara's wake. Mal paused on the threshold.

"River, Jayne, you coming?"

Jayne rolled his eyes. "I've seen one room, why do I need to see the rest? Not like I'll be usin' any."

"View satisfies." River added.

"Stay out of trouble. We're guests." He didn't wait for their answer.

The students filed out after them, a few pausing and hiding in the corridors to watch them. River stepped away from Jayne and basked in the sun coming in through the open space. Jayne crossed his arms.

He cleared his throat. "The dress looks right nice."

"Of course, you chose it." River's eyes opened and she slowly turned.

His blue eyes traveled down her figure. "Made for dancin'"

"Does Jayne know how?" River took a few steps.

"There ain't no music." Jayne told her as he gently cupped her waist in one hand and entwined her fingers with his with the other.

"Yes, there is if you listen." She whispered. "Wind, water, birds, bodies, hearts, blood, breath." Her eyes locked with his. "Boy, girl, man and woman."

Jayne grinned and spun her about. "I'll pay better attention next time." They slid across the floor, staring into each others eyes as they effortlessly went through the steps. He flung her away from his body holding onto her hand and snapped her back the next moment, wrapping her body around his. River's eyes sparked. Jayne leaned down. "Sheydra's right about the view, lovely no matter where you look."

She giggled as he spun her about on one toe. She flowed back into the steps of the dance as they moved around the room, spinning, twirling, turning to music only they could here. "Not fair to borrow other people's words."

"If you hadn't noticed yet genius. I'm not a man of words or letters." Jayne frowned as he pulled her close again.

"Man of action." River nodded.

"That's right." Jayne spun. "Now let's hush and just dance."

--

Sheydra had gone to get the students for their next lesson. Mal paced the room as Inara slowly walked the perimeter, her gaze far away. She paused next to the Buddha and mechanically selected an incense stick and lit it.

"Mal," She said.

Mal stopped.

"I-" She bit her lip. "I-"

Sheydra entered the room, a group of students behind her. "Inara, Captain Reynolds, you must see this."

"Mistress Inara, is she your student?" One of the girls came forward, eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears. "Is she why you went away?"

"What?" Inara turned. "Who?"

Mal frowned. "A student?"

Zoë turned from contemplating the window, eyebrow raised. "Sir?"

Sheydra shook her head. "They think the girl we left in the vestibule is your student."

"River!" Inara gasped.

Simon sat up. "What? _Mei-Mei?_"

Kaylee giggled. "I always said she was a real beauty."

Simon gave Kaylee a long look. "Yes, the academy did call once." He murmured. "She turned it down. She didn't think the curriculum would be difficult enough."

Inara rigidly kept her composure as a few of the students bristled, although, she wanted to laugh. "You said we should see something."

Sheydra nodded.

"Everyone wanted River on account of her IQ and natural talent." Simon sighed. Kaylee placed a hand on his arm. "It was hard for her to choose a course without any idea of where to go, without any parental expectations. I was the one with the clear future, become a first class doctor." Simon laughed without humor. "Come on, let's see what trouble she's stirred up now."

"But be quiet." Sheydra placed a finger to her lips. "Not that I think they'd notice."

Exchanging confused glances they headed down the halls to the vestibule of the house. Before they reached the room they gathered on the walls to watch. The style of the dance changed from a languid, graceful waltz to something more primal, passionate.

"Oh my," Inara breathed.

Jayne kept his fingertips to her waist, moving to the side so her body was slightly off centered to his, her leg in between his. They walked backwards then forwards, River spun and then slid one leg out to the side, Jayne's hand still holding her she leaned back, eyes hooded. He forced her up and back to his body, spinning her about. Back to chest they moved to the right slowly, then she spun to face, wrapping her leg about his waist. He picked her up and set her down on the other side and they began again, steps interlocking.

"Jayne," Mal barked, stepping into the room.

They froze for a few seconds, and then gradually moved apart. River's hand still inside Jayne's from the spin they had just executed. Brown and blue eyes locked.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Mal continued.

Jayne stiffened, his entire posture straightening. His eyes left River's and stared over her shoulder, boring into Mal's. He brought River's hand to his lips in an absent minded gesture that looked natural. River's eyes closed, body trembling. His goatee tickled her skin even as the softness of his lips made her tingle. Waves of emotions attacked her, Mal's anger, Inara's shock, random confusion, and Jayne's rage.

"Answer me, Cobb." Mal said.

Suddenly Jayne's rage snuffed out like a candle and River's eyes fluttered open as she gasped at its loss. He dropped her hand as slowly as he picked it up, looking at it. His eyes closed slowly and his shoulders dropped. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, River." He muttered, spun about and left.

Simon rushed up and placed a hand on her shoulder. "_Mei-mei_?"

"I'm still waiting to hear what this is all about."

River didn't turn. Tears edged her eyes. "Dancing, dancing like birds. Soaring on clouds of own making, reaching the mythical number nine. Wind in our face, feathers in our hair, but there was a hole in the middle. Not staring at our feet so came tumbling down past the silver lining."

"My mercenary does not dance." Mal pointed after Jayne.

River shook her head. "Didn't ask, wouldn't tell. Secrets, so many secrets." She clutched at her head. "Tigers we can't get off. Not mine, not mine. Got enough, don't want more."

"Birds then tigers," Mal looked at Simon. "Can you make your sis talk a little less confusin'. I thought she was getting better."

Simon shrugged.

River shivered. "Mending, slowly mending, hard to tell what's mine and what's not especially with all the shouting. Jayne doesn't shout. Why doesn't Jayne shout?" She looked over at Simon. She rolled her shoulder and Simon's hand fell away. "You shouting now. Confused, scared." She leaned into his face. "Afraid of me," she smiled. "As it should be." With these words she ran to the door, pausing at the entrance for a second. "They got far enough."

"And on that note," Simon ran his fingers through his hair. "I am so sorry, Sheydra."

"River's a reader." Kaylee said quickly.

Sheydra's head tilted back. "I see."

Inara glided across the room and stood next to Mal. "I want to stay."

Mal's head whipped about.

"Given what we just saw. I think you need me." She placed a hand on his arm. "So, is my shuttle still open?"

"Your shuttle, aren't you sayin' my shuttle?"

Inara tilted her head. "Exactly."

--

Jayne sat on the ramp of Serenity, head in his hands.

"Doesn't help." River said as she stopped at the bottom. "They talk around the girl, not to the girl. They act like the girl isn't there hearing what they say about her, confusing, morbid, creepifyin', crazy, not real, a fanciful marionette without the strings." He looked up. She continued. "Sometimes they remember. They don't talk at me but to me. Most of the time they tell Simon to shut me up or make me better as if he had control over what I do. I don't always have control over what I do, why should Simon." She took a few steps forward.

"I'm guilty of that too. Guilty of that more than most." He said.

"Getting better, trying to treat me like a real girl." She tilted her head. "Woman." She corrected.

He swallowed and looked at his hands. "Well," he shifted.

"Thank you," River knelt in front of him, placing her hands on his. "You've more reason than most not to like me. Have tried to get rid of me more times than I can count even in the last few months. You've always been afraid of me, the others, not so much and are only beginning to realize they should be. If they think about it at all."

"Got plenty of reason," he muttered, looking into her eyes, big and brown still wet with unshed tears.

"Don't care why." River shook her head. "I know too much already. Something should remain a mystery."

He nodded, eyes wide.

"Thank you for the dance." She smiled and squeezed his hands before getting up and walking into the ship. "Do it again sometime, maybe something different."

Jayne watched her go over his shoulder until he could tell she was lost deep into the bowels of the ship. He sighed. What was it Inara'd said. "Torrid love affair."

--


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't any of this, it all belongs to the great god Joss.

A/N Thank you all for your great reviews and your patience. Finals are over and that means I can get back to something of a life! And writing! Special thanks to **Agent Rouka** for your constructive criticism, **Thugs-4-Less** for pointing out about the formating stuff which shouldn't have needed to happen but this site keeps changing how you upload things. It's annoying. LOL. I've written a paper about formating for fan fiction sites for goodness sakes. And **Wren8811** for being an unofficial beta. (I've fixed it by the way.) Now onward to the story!

A Mite Unpredictable  
Business versus Play  
Chapter Four  
By RingPrincess

The warm yellow of the table light was the only light that illuminated the ship's kitchen. Mal stood at the head of the table, the crew seated around it while he outlined the next job.

"So, our job is simple. Go in, take the seed and return it to Badger who will see it gets distributed to those who really need it." Mal nodded.

Kaylee smiled. "How'd they get that much seed in the first place?"

Jayne grunted. "Why's it matter?"

Kaylee shot a exasperated glance at him. "Just curious."

River cocked her head. "They're liars."

Mal's eyebrow rose. "Duplicitous leaders, as I was about to say 'fore Albatross spoke up. Seems the magistrate and the mayor got together and creatively misfiled some papers."

"Huh," Simon nodded.

"Of course, our job is complicated by the fact that we are minus a superior pilot." Mal hooked his hands into his belt.

Simon straightened in his chair. "River could stay behind."

"No," Mal shook his head. "I want her with us. Keepin' an eye and a mind out."

"What if things go wrong?" Simon frowned.

"They best not go wrong then." Mal smiled tightly.

"Sir?" Zoë frowned. She refrained from commenting that things always went wrong in some form or another.

"We need a pilot." Mal muttered almost to himself.

Jayne stiffened. His eyes widened.

"Someone we can trust." Mal continued. He looked at River. "I suspect I'll need your help there."

River smiled and nodded.

"Hold on, Wash didn't need to be crazy approved." Jayne protested. "Why should a new pilot?"

River kicked him in the shins and Jayne yelped glaring at her. She stared coolly back at him and said, "Un-hatched chickens are not green."

"And of course that's supposed to make all sorts of sense." Jayne muttered and looked away. "I don't like replacin' Wash."

"Not replacin'," Mal said with a quick glance at Zoë's direction to see how she reacted to Jayne's statement. Her face was smooth. "Just succeedin'"

"No one could replace Wash." Zoë added. "Captain's got a point. We all have specific jobs on Serenity and full time pilot is not one of them for any of us."

"Worried about nothing." River muttered. "Un-quantified possibilities."

"I ain't worried." Jayne growled and pushed away from the table. He stalked out of kitchen.

River rolled her eyes but didn't pursue him.

Mal shifted on his feet. "We should all get a good nights sleep, crime to be done tomorrow. That includes you, Doc." He turned his face towards Kaylee. "And you."

Kaylee widened her eyes and smiled at Mal. "Sure, Captain."

River snorted. "Good night." She said and left the mess. Her hands trailed the wall as she walked the hallways towards her room. Her stomach felt in knots and she shook her head. It wasn't her. It was Jayne. She shook her head to try and shake the feeling. It didn't work. It wasn't her head that was the problem. She could hear him grunting in the cargo bay and feel how his muscles strained as he lifted the bar up and down. She grabbed the edge of the door to the cargo bay and rested her head against it, eyes closing. Her breath came through her mouth in small gasps. "So angry," she whispered. Yet there was nothing for him to be angry about. It felt like he was shoving his anger away from his body in an attempt to make it go away. It pushed her with a physical force and she stumbled from the door and fled to her room. Jayne's anger pulsing through her head and blood.

--

Jayne shoved the bar up and tried to shake the thoughts from his head. They didn't make any sense and made horrid sense at the same time. A pilot, a new pilot younger and handsomer than him that might take her attention away, someone with exciting stories that could talk educated. Someone one like she deserved, not a rough and tumble grouchy merc like him, not that she even knew he was interested. He grunted and sweat ran down his forehead, his arms and pooled in the middle of his chest. Images of all sorts of men running through his head, all of them puppies or pansies and no good for her as far as he was concerned.

It was absolutely ruttin' crazy. Yet, there was little kernel in his mind that said it wasn't. She was his. And she wasn't right in the head anyways. They fit just right that way. He grimaced. No one was going to take her away. Ship's night lengthened and Jayne kept lifting.

--

Mal looked back and forth at the busy market place. He turned to River. "Wait two minutes then come in."

She nodded and sank back into her seat. Jayne jumped out of the mule and waited for Zoë to disembark. Mal turned to Jayne. "And no shouting my name."

Jayne blinked but nodded. "Uh, right."

Mal sighed and River giggled. "Let's make this in and out."

They strode inside. Mal and Zoë fanned out and Jayne remained by the front door in case someone tried to run out that way. All three of their guns fired at once, each taking out a camera and sending the patrons scrambling to the floor. Silence descended.

"We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here to take something that ain't yours. Righting a perilous wrong so to speak." Mal fanned his gun around the floor. "So just sit tight and we'll all walk away from this." He backed towards the storage area where the grain was being stored in large canvas bags.

The door opened and sunlight washed across Jayne's back and made River nothing but a petite shadow. Jayne stiffened and she laid a hand on his back. He stepped to the side and let her pass. She stepped over bodies, her head tilted to the side and hair hanging around her back and shoulders. She paused while standing over one man, reached down and relieved him of his weapon. She released the clip and tossed it negligently to the side and dropped the empty weapon to the man's side before moving on. She was halfway around the room when she spun.

"Jayne!" She shouted, eyes wide and mouth staying open in horror.

Jayne cursed as simultaneous to her shout a man lunged to his feet and made a break for the door swinging a long sword. He ducked under the blade and grabbed the man's wrist. He brought his gun up and shoved it into the man's stomach before firing. He lowered the man to the floor and looked up at River, her hands over her mouth. "Snap out of it!" He snarled at her and grabbed the blade.

River visibly collected herself and walked the rest of the room. Jayne went still as stone and tried not to think about how close the quick incident had been. If not for her quick warning he might've been spitted, as he hadn't been focused on that man. He swung the sword around experimentally and eyed the room. The hair on the back of his neck refused to settle. Too close, much too close, woman had saved his life again. This was becoming an exceedingly interesting habit on her part. River's hand on his arm startled him. He glared down at her.

"Help the captain." She murmured.

He nodded. "Hold on to this for me." He growled and handed her the blade. River rested the tip against the floor and leaned on it as Jayne strode across the room. He looked at the bags. "How many?"

"Twelve."

He scowled and began hauling. Mal waited until he was back inside before grabbing one himself. There was always one man in the silent room. They were all sweating from the still heat and the gusts of hot air that came through the door as Mal and Jayne went in and out.

Mal glanced about the room. "We're done here." He nodded.

River's lips twitched into a smile. "No. We're not."

He stared at her. "Repeat that."

River lifted the sword and pointed it into the crowd. "Her, we need her too. She's our new pilot."

Mal blinked. "Could you be more particular?"

River sighed. "Her, the red head."

Mal looked into the crowd. "Is that right?" There was one red head in the crowd, hunched over like the rest staring at the floor. He un-holstered his gun. "You heard the albatross. Get up."

Her head came up a little first revealing bright green eyes and a spray of freckles across an upturned nose. She licked her lips. "Me?"

"You're a pilot right?"

She nodded.

Mal gestured with his gun. "Then get up. We've got a job to finish."

She got to her knees and slowly stood up. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. A purple tight shirt with a mandarin collar exposed her midriff covered slightly by a length of plaid cloth wrapped around her waist and then over her shoulder like a cloak. Her tan pants were tight and stuffed into knee high black boots. Mal looked at the bag near her feet.

"Those your things?" He asked. At her nod he said. "Pick 'em up and let's move." He looked at River. "Are we done now?"

River smiled and twirled on her toes, holding the sword like a swagger stick she exited. Mal sighed and gestured for the girl to follow her. Jayne strapped the last bag into place as they came out. He took a good look at the red head and looked over her shoulder at Mal. "Who's she?"

"Our new pilot." Mal shrugged gun pointed at Meg's back. "At least according to the albatross."

Jayne frowned and returned his gaze to the new girl. "You gay?"

She sputtered for a few seconds as River giggled and settled into place. "No," the woman said. Jayne grunted and slid into his seat on the mule.

"Gimme that," He said to River, taking the sword from her.

Mal prodded the girl in and climbed in after her. He turned to Zoë. "Back to the ship and we'll see how well our new pilot actually flies."

Zoë nodded and shifted the mule into gear.

"Tain't fair." Jayne said as he examined his new weapon. "The women now outnumber the men folk."

"Stop muttering Jayne." Mal leaned back as they moved through the streets, Zoë making several turns to throw off any idea of pursuit.

River smiled. "Poor Jayne, so many girls and he with a girl's name."

Jayne's response was automatic. "Jayne ain't a girl."

--

"You're back!" Kaylee smiled as the mule drove into the cargo bay. "How'd the crime go?"

"Smooth."

"For once," Jayne growled and vaulted out of the mule.

"Jayne almost got gutted." River said as she climbed out.

"Almost ain't the same as actually being gutted." He said, trying to pass it off. River rolled her eyes.

"If hadn't been warned, would've been." She said coming around to glare up at him.

"So you're earning your keep." Jayne shifted on his feet. "And I got a new toy."

Kaylee beamed. "Sounds excitin'."

The red head climbed out of the mule looking around. Kaylee looked at her.

"And who's this?"

Mal paused and turned to her. "Well, we never did get your name."

She took a deep breath and gave a shaky laugh. "Megwyn Mc'Shea. But my friends call me Meg."

"Meg's our new pilot." Mal smiled tightly. "I assume we're fueled and ready to go."

Kaylee nodded. "Fueled, provisioned and set. Simon's learning."

"It was only a near disaster." Simon said as he entered the cargo bay.

Kaylee rolled her eyes as she hit the button to close the doors.

River linked her arm through Meg's. "Come on. I'll show you Serenity's cockpit. You'll like her."

"Just get us out of atmo in one piece." Mal shouted after her. River waved her hand.

Kaylee stared after them. "Meg huh?"

"Albatross' idea." Mal went and opened the panel in the wall.

"So, does she know our names?" Kaylee asked.

"Not yet," Zoë said.

Mal stood up and turned. "And from your tone, I'm inferring that she never will."

"It's too pat, sir."

"Wash bothered you at first too."

"Wasn't talking about that. It was too easy finding her. Didn't want to say so before strangers."

"So, you don't trust River?" Mal tilted his head. "I'm not to easy about Meg either but I figure we could at least try her out for a run and see if she suits."

"And if she doesn't?" Zoë's eyebrow rose.

"She'll be on Persephone with a wadful of cash and plenty of opportunities to find more work." He shrugged.

"She can tag us, sir."

"Not sayin' it isn't a risk, but not as big of a risk as it used to be. Since, our resident fugees aren't fugees anymore."

"Thank goodness for that," Jayne muttered. "Less a mind to get rid of 'em now that they're provin' to be useful and all." He finished unbuckling the bags and began to move them to the secret holding spot.

Mal brightened. "See, even Jayne agrees."

Zoë shook her head.

"I'm relieved to know that you're no longer tempted to turn us in." Simon crossed his arms.

Jayne grunted. "Ain't no money in it."

"So," Simon tilted his head. "As soon as there's money in it. I should start worrying again."

Mal glared between them. "There shouldn't have been any worrying to begin with."

Simon sighed. "Oh, I doubt Jayne and I will like each other until he beats me to a pulp and I, at least give him a black eye and maybe not even then."

Jayne snorted.

Mal nodded as if that made perfect sense, as Zoë and Kaylee shared a glance and a shrug.

"Inara's returned, Captain." River's voice said over the comm.

"Oops, almost forgot." Mal bounced. "Best be saying howdy." He said and headed up the steps, leaving Jayne to finish storing the bags of seed.

Zoe shook her head and left. Kaylee turned to Simon.

"You sure you're okay with this?" She asked.

"The risk is marginal and River did choose her." Simon shrugged.

"Hey!" Jayne barked. "Go do your cuddlin' sweet stuff someplace else."

"You're just jealous."

"It don't matter what I am, just go do it someplace else." Jayne growled. 'Ruttin' couples.' He thought.

--

Meg finished setting the course to Persephone into the helm of Serenity and leaned back in her chair. She stared idly at the dinosaurs littering the helm and then out of the windows into the black.

"Getting comfortable?" Mal asked from the door.

She jumped slightly and spun the chair about, seeing it was the captain she spun the chair back around. "She's a sweet ship, not sure about the dinos though."

"Courtesy of our last pilot. They stay where they are." Mal leaned against the wall. "I'm Malcolm Reynolds by the way and the ship is Serenity."

"You always hire your pilots this way." Meg picked up the stegosaurus. "You don't even know my recommendations or history."

"River pointed you out. I trust her."

"But you don't trust me." Meg smiled even though he couldn't see it. "She seems to be a good enough pilot."

"Not her greatest strength. She's more useful at other things."

"Funny, I never told her I was a pilot." Meg spun the chair back around, cradling the dino with her fingertips. "Or in need of a job, any job to get off that planet." She glanced up at him through her lashes, auburn hair draped over her shoulder in a long braid.

Mal paused. "She's a reader."

Meg stared at him for a few moments then slid her fingers around the dino. "I figured as much." She placed her ankle on her knee. "I do have them."

Mal's eyebrow rose.

"Recommendations." Meg clarified. "They're in my bag."

Mal stood up. "Which is in your quarters. Simon, our medic, has kindly moved in with our mechanic, Kaylee so you'll be in his room, which is right across from River's. Where is she anyways?"

"She said something about the cargo bay and left a few minutes ago." Meg's eyes hooded, the cargo bay bringing a memory to the forefront of her mind. "Is his name really Jayne?"

"Yep, and before you ask. He's always like that."

Meg's face slowly blossomed into a smile.

--

River paused at the door of the cargo bay in a strange parody of not twenty-four hours earlier. Jayne sat on his work out bench holding the sword in his hand looking thoughtful. She couldn't read anything off him and his body and face told her little. Her head tilted.

"Can you use it?"

His head jerked upwards and he looked about wildly for a few moments until he located her in the shadows. She moved forward once he saw her, eyes riveted on the sword, her lilac sundress clinging to her calves.

"What did you say?"

"The sword." She nodded at it. "Can you use it?"

"As well as I can use anything I suppose." He said returning his gaze to the blade.

"You don't take them on jobs." River crossed the room and stood next to him, her face reflected and distorted by the blade.

"Swords are for play, guns and knives mean business." He said as he wriggled the blade back and forth and it caught the lights. "Mesmerizin' though."

"Could glide through flesh like butter."

"Could." Jayne nodded.

"Take skill to stop it."

He nodded again, not truly paying attention to her.

"Play with me." She said, touching his wrist.

He looked up at her, the rest of the world cut off by the curtain of her hair. His eyes flicked to her lips and then to her eyes. He swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth. His heart sped up. She caressed his wrist. He grabbed the hand standing up and pulling her flush to him.

"Can't, there's only one sword." He growled.

She smiled up at him. "Liar. In your bunk, there's another." She went up on tiptoes. "Mine."

He scowled.

"Went looking for you, couldn't find you, found them instead." River said to his unasked question. "In your bunk, they were gleaming and shining. Play with me." She demanded.

"This ain't no ruttin' game."

"You said it was."

He growled. "You could get hurt."

"Equal chance of you getting hurt." She pointed out. "All work and no play makes Jayne a dull man indeed." She smiled. "Despite his girly name."

His eyes narrowed. "Now you're making fun of me. Trying to make me upset so I'll fight you."

"No fun if Jayne changes the rules." Her eyes hooded.

"I'm takin' if I just agree this will go faster."

River considered his statement for a moment. "Absolutely."

Jayne growled and stalked from the cargo bay. River leaned back to follow him with her eyes.

"You wanted to fight anyways," she muttered once he was out of the room. She began to stretch while she waited. Jayne returned with the extra weapon a few minutes later. He held it out to her hilt first. She stared at it for a few moments, licking her lips.

"What's wrong? Yer the one who wanted to do play."

She looked up at him without moving her head. "Not evil?"

He frowned and then remembered their conversation. "Oh, right. I stick by what I said. It ain't evil, just part of you."

She took the hilt and lifted the sword away with a nod. She took a few steps away from him, holding it away from her side. He brought his up to cover his belly and they began to circle one another, eyes locked.

He smirked. "Let's dance."

She grinned back as he lunged forward and slashed horizontally. She blocked it with her blade and retaliated. He retreated and came at her with a high slash. She leaned back, feeling the backwash of air and kicked off the ground as his sword came back with a low sweep. She flipped backwards and landed out of his reach. He rotated his blade with his wrist grinning and charged at her. She spun out of the way and he spun with her, their blades locking again. She tossed her blade from one hand to the other and they went at it. She put her whole body into the action, swaying and bending as she evaded and retaliated to his attacks. In contrast he seemed still and calm, blocking her attacks with his blade or side stepping them by fraction of inches. It was his blade that made up for his stillness, constantly spinning and twirling. They claimed the entire cargo bay, jumping on boxes, running across the floor. A particular viscous downward slice forced River into a split. Sweat beaded on their muscles and they panted as their muscles strained. She curled her legs about her and shoved to her feet, the force pushing him back. She pressed her advantage and forced him back. He quickly recovered and knocked her blade from her hand. It flew across the room and landed with a clatter. He swept her feet out from under her and tackled her.

"Give up?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow.

She shook her head, hair a dark corona. "No. I'll never stop fighting." She kicked him off and ran vaulted to her feet running for her sword. She spun and her blade shivered against his. "To stop fighting is to die." Her eyes narrowed.

Jayne's blue eyes lit with approval and she shoved his sword away. He barely had time to bring his guard back up as she tried to gut him. Now she was getting serious. Jayne shifted a bit to evenly distribute his weight more. Their blades met as their eyes locked and the fight began anew. Their clothes stuck in damp patches to their skin and muscles moved without conscious thought behind them. The swords felt light in their hands and their bodies seemed to progress in slow motion. The edges of the blades kissed and separated in an instant that felt like it took hours. Horizontal swipe, lateral thrust, vertical strike, low, high and mid guard. There was no more chasing over boxes or vaulting over the stairs. Playtime was over. She gulped air and tossed her head to get hair and sweat out of her eyes. He punctuated each hit with a grunt. He'd crouch and strike while rising and she'd arch out of his way while responding.

His ankle snuck around hers and he fell backwards dragging her with him onto the cold scuffed cargo bay floor. Their swords dropped to each side with a clatter so they wouldn't hurt each other.

"Truce," he panted, the muscles of his arms and legs trembling.

River nodded, her head lying on his chest.

"Good, cause I don't think I can move anymore Albatross." He said. River sighed and started to roll off of him. But in contradiction to his words, one of his arms wrapped around her waist, his hand pressing into her back. She stilled and in that moment all she could feel was him. Not because she was focused solely upon him as in their fight but for another reason she couldn't define. Now that her severe focus was gone there were still no other thoughts and feelings intruding upon her mind except for his and the rapid beating of his heart, the rising heat of his body mingling with her own and the scent of fresh sweat, gun oil and blood. Heat scorched her brain making her want to cry out, not for relief but for more. It answered a heat that roiled in her stomach and traveled lower. Her heart sped at the same beat as his and she gasped from lack of air. He was a solid foundation. She wanted to sink into it and never leave.

"Jayne," she whispered moving her head to look up. Her breath brushed his pulse point on his neck and all she could see was the curve of his jaw. He inhaled sharply, pressing his body more against hers, hard versus soft. He looked down at her and suddenly it all made sense. His eyes were dark blue, full of knowledge that excited her and scared her. He liked her, but he'd never say it. All the emotions and actions of the last few weeks made sense, the gift, the dance, the anger or was it jealousy. His gaze wasn't fixed on her eyes but on her lips. This man who didn't kiss on the mouth had to tear his eyes away to look into hers, wide and brown, framed by dark lashes.

A slight whisper of sound, Inara's shuttle door opening split them apart. They stared at each other for a swift second before glancing upwards to the catwalk.

"It was a glorious dance, thank you." River murmured and fled.

Jayne stood still for a few moments watching as Inara exited and came towards the stairs. With a deep sigh he leaned down and picked up the swords. They felt heavy and he grunted to Inara before heading to his bunk where the memories of a petite soft body against his and the smell of scented soap and sweat would haunt him for the rest of the night.

--


	5. Chapter 5

A Might Unpredictable  
Chapter Five  
First Kisses  
By RingPrincess

They were stuck in the infirmary. Jayne didn't quite understand why these thugs thought putting them in the infirmary was such a good idea. Sure it was like a box, a bright, white chilly box. It reminded Jayne of a freezer. It also had the one exit and a window or two so the thugs could keep track of them. But as it was, Jayne had seen the inside of the place far too often and being forced to be there wasn't improving his mood any. He leaned against the counter that could be used as an extra bed with his arms crossed and brooded.

Of course, it would help if Crazy wasn't in here with them. She was always good for a distraction.

"We need a plan," Kaylee said for at least the hundredth time. "Isn't that how we normally get out of these situations, a plan?"

Meg frowned. "This is a regular occurrence."

Jayne grunted. "Don't pay her no mind."

Kaylee grinned. "Well, you see there was this one time."

Simon grabbed Kaylee's hands. "Now Kaylee, I don't think Meg needs to hear about that."

"Sides, River was roaming that time." Jayne added.

River nodded swinging her legs back and forth against the edge of the bed. She glanced at the door. Jayne followed her gaze and snorted. He could see the edge of one of the two guards posted outside the door through the window.

"Not that it helped much." He finished. "We didn't have a plan that time neither. Or at least not until too late."

"Ah, regular occurrence." Meg nodded.

"Not as regular as they're making it out to be." Simon tried to reassure her.

"If it ain't one thing, it's another with this crew." Jayne snorted. "Meg'll just have to get used to it. Of course, we aren't always stuck in the infirmary."

Simon wrapped his arms about Kaylee as she put her head on his chest. Simon kissed the top of her head.

"Just end up here a lot." Jayne finished.

Simon rolled his eyes. Jayne wasn't helping matters.

"We could try a diversion. Isn't that what we were going to do with Badger? A diversion?" Kaylee looked between Simon and Jayne. "Though I don't want to see Jayne naked."

Simon snickered.

"Hey!" Jayne growled. "I ain't that bad lookin'."

Meg titled her head to the side and looked around. "A weapon would help even the odds."

"Pity that something like this happened on your first trip." Simon sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I wish I knew what they used to knock us out."

River swung off the table and began to wander about the room, running her fingers over different objects. No one paid any attention to her even as she began to open and rummage quietly through drawers.

"It was sweet smellin'." Kaylee said hoping that it would help. Simon shook his head.

Jayne glanced at River and frowned seeing what she was doing. His eyebrow rose and she covertly showed him something clenched in her fist. He nodded and glanced out the windows again. A grin crossed his face and he jerked his head at River in an explicit come 'ere gesture. River spun on her toes, walking around the table and past the others, a determined look on her face.

"_Mei-Mei?"_ Simon asked.

Jayne stared into River eyes. They were filled with light, wild, primal. The same type of light he'd seen after she defeated the Reavers. The light that had made him attracted to her. He reached out and pulled her closer to him. She thrust up onto his tiptoes and they kissed.

Perhaps kiss wasn't the right word. Devoured each other's mouths was a more apt description. River pressed her slight body against his, licking and nibbling at his lips. Jayne's mouth opened and her tongue slid inside warm and wet. Jayne hadn't kissed a woman on the mouth in years but some actions came naturally. He sucked on her tongue tasting it with his own, scraping it with his teeth.

River moaned and his hand slid around her back, holding her there. Warmth flooded through her body and transmitted into his and back again. 'Is this what everyone else feels when they kiss?' She wondered as the pure physicality of the kiss blocked out the emotions and thoughts of the others in the room. It helped that Jayne's mind was like a bastion, the lip of the wall protecting from the ever-present rain of other people's thoughts and emotions. She pulled her tongue out and his followed, plunging into her mouth, lapping her up. Her eyes closed and her knuckles whitened as she tightened her grip on his arms, thumb caressing his shoulder and the dragon tattoo through his shirt. Through the haze she vaguely heard Simon's disgusted shout. "_Mei-mei_!" with Kaylee and Meg's shouting as they tried to do something. River blocked it all out and tried to focus on Jayne's mind. The best word she could think about what she did next was, knock. She tapped lightly on the wall and the wall came tumbling down.

River's heart stopped for a moment. She gasped against his mouth and he chuckled. His mind was so organized and categorized. Every memory, every thought was just so and constantly checked. His mind was like his weapons cache while hers in comparison was a wild field of flowers, chaotic, open to the sun with random things just flying around. He chuckled again as her very comparison became flesh within her mindscape. Then sucked her lip into his mouth.

'So, if I think, do you hear me?' He asked inside their connected minds.

She physically sagged against him, legs unable to hold out. He thought just as he spoke, low and rumbly. It made the inside of her brain tickle and the back of her spine tingle and she involuntarily shivered.

'Plan,' she whispered before she forgot all about it and contented herself with being close to his body and wrapped in his mind. 'I have a plan.' She swirled her tongue around his and she showed him, eyes snapping open to lock onto his.

His acceptance spread more warmth through her and she ground against him. He moaned and pressed harder onto her lips. She worked a leg around his. His hand traveled from her arm to her thigh, pushing her skirt upwards. Adrenaline rushed through his veins at the thought of upcoming action, bloodlust, battle lust and plain lust roared in his mind, earthy and warm, made him hard and aching. River moaned pressing tighter to him, heat pulsing between her thighs, skin flushing.

The door opened and Jayne's walls around his mind came back up.

"What in gorram hells is going on here?" One of guards asked.

River and Jayne pretended to ignore him. Her mouth wandered away from his, trailing kisses along his jaw to his earlobe. "Now," she murmured.

Four things happened at once, Jayne flicked his wrist from down by her thigh and released River. River spun and kicked high, crushing the other guard's throat. The first fell backwards, a scalpel protruding from his eye.

Meg, Simon and Kaylee stared. Kaylee and Meg holding onto Simon's arms. The change came so quick they hadn't time to process the upturn of their situation.

"Right then," Simon murmured.

Jayne knelt down and grabbed the guns. River crossed to the door and checked both ways. She glanced over her shoulder at Jayne. "Clear." She said and licked pink swollen lips.

He finished checking the guns with various clicks and stood up. He nodded. "Stay put." He looked down at the man writhing on floor with the scalpel in his eye. "And knock him out." He tossed over his shoulder and went after River as she preceded him out the door. She tilted her head to the left and then to the right, evidently listening. Jayne stood behind her looking both ways. They headed in the same direction at the same time without pausing to consult one another.

River ghosted ahead, coming up behind a man before he realized anything was wrong. She wrapped her hands around his head and snapped his neck with a quick jerk. He fell and she reached down, stripping away his knife and tossed it back to Jayne. He caught it and they advanced a few more steps to the cargo bay, staying in the shadows until their eyes adjusted.

Three men stood in their way. Jayne looked at River and raised an eyebrow. She shrugged and looked back. He flipped one of the guns around and offered it to her. She shook her head wildly, hair flying everywhere. He shrugged and flipped it back so it rested easily in his grip. He sighted down the barrel and squeezed the trigger three times in rapid succession.

The men jerked, the third spinning out of control. Jayne ran forward, spinning and covered the catwalk. River leapt over the closest section of the rail and dashed up the stairs.

Back in the infirmary Simon and the others jumped at the sound of gunfire.

River flung her body against the wall on one side of the door. A few seconds later, Jayne did the same against the other side. Jayne peered around the corner and pulled his head back in. River held up two fingers. He kept his eyes trained on the door opening. The first part to appear was an arm. River reached out and snapped her wrist around it, pulling the body all the way through and aiding his momentum throwing him against the rail and shoving him over. He landed with a meaty thump and she turned to Jayne, to see him slit the throat of the other thug.

He dropped the body and they locked gazes again. She stared down the hall and raised three fingers. Jayne grimaced and checked over the rail, shooting the thug that she'd thrown over the rail as a precautionary measure.

"Gorramit!" They heard from down the hallway. "What's all the gunfire for?"

River glanced at Jayne and shrugged. He shrugged back and proceeded down the hallway hugging the wall, gun poised and ready in front of him. River crept behind him, her slight body hid by his bulk.

"Fine, I'm comin'. I'm comin'." The man grumbled and walked right in Jayne's sights. River flinched as the gun went off.

"The others?" Jayne whispered.

"One's in the engine room, the other," River squeezed her eyes shut. "The bridge."

"Great." He muttered, "'Cept Mal would have a fit if we did any shootin' in there."

"Have fit for shooting in here." River pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah." He grumbled. "Come on then." He paused and handed her the knife. "Just don't go cuttin' up on me."

"Have other things I'd rather do to you." River accepted it with a wink and a smile.

Jayne opened his mouth to retort hotly that the kiss had only been allowed as a distraction and to piss Simon off, but she'd already advanced around the kitchen table and turned towards the engine room. He growled and headed after her. She wouldn't have believed him anyways. They both knew it was only an excuse to do what he wanted. He'd seen it in her eyes just before he kissed her.

River hissed as she saw that the man inside was doing something to Serenity's engines. She flipped her grip on the knife and sneaked up behind him, hitting him on the temple. The man's eyes rolled back into his head and he crumpled. River glared down at him. "How dare you hurt Serenity!" She kicked him for good measure. Jayne snickered and she glared at him.

"I gave you that knife to kill him not beat him." Jayne gestured at the man, who upon closer inspection was blonde with a great many tattoos. A string of cowry shells was around his neck.

River shook her head. "Need him to tell Kaylee what he did to Serenity."

Jayne blinked and then nodded. "Right." He looked around. "Gotta find us some rope."

River took a few steps and held a length up.

"Shiny."

River roughly tied the man up and they headed towards the last man at the front of the ship no longer bothering to hide their footsteps. The last man sat in the pilot's seat.

"That you, Bester?" He asked. "Seems a shame blowin' up this ship. Someone's takin' a creative hand with the controls and all. Bet she's real sweet in atmo and out. Don't know about these dinos though." He held one up, echoing Meg.

River smiled. "She is."

He spun about to find Jayne's appropriated gun aimed at his chest.

"Get up." Jayne said. "Don't want to get blood all o'er Wash's dinos."

"Or put a hole through Meg's chair." River added, flashing the knife.

The man stood up, placin' his hands away from his sides. His eyes flicked between Jayne and River and settled upon River, deciding she was the lesser threat and thus easiest to bargain with. "If'n it were my choice I wouldn't hurt a sweet ship like this, missy."

River tilted her head. "I know, but you were going to anyways." She edged around until she was behind him. "Follow Jayne."

The man's eyes flicked to Jayne. "That Jayne."

Jayne smirk. "That'd be me."

He frowned. "But Jayne is a girl's name."

River snickered as Jayne growled. He was getting really tired of people making fun of his name. "Well, this Jayne is a man."

The pilot looked over his shoulder. "Shouldn't the gun be behind me?"

"Naw, she'll just break your neck all quiet like." Jayne grinned and gestured to the hall with his gun. "Now move."

The pilot moved.

--

Mal paused as he came to the bottom of the cargo ramp. Jayne leaned against one of the supports cradling Vera.

"_Ta ma de_," Mal muttered. "What happened here?" He asked as he stared past Jayne into the cargo bay where Simon and River were in the midst of a yelling match near a line of bodies, six of the seven that looked to be very dead. The seventh sat with his hands tied and a top his ankles, Meg sat behind on a crate loosely holding a gun. Her red hair glinted in the lights.

"Don't know, sir." Zoe said looking coolly from one point of interest to the other.

"Well, I wasn't askin' you." Mal frowned and strode up the ramp.

"I'm still stuck on the part of the plan that required you to kiss Jayne." Simon yelled and Mal halted his eyes flying to his mercenary.

Jayne nodded. "Howdy Mal, had us quite the rowdy day. How's yours goin'?"

"It was right shiny until I walked up the ramp to my boat."

Jayne's eyes flickered through the crowd. Mal looked over to River and noticed that even through it appeared her attention was on her brother. If you looked closely, she had the same tense air as Jayne.

"Told you, and told you." River rolled her eyes. "Kissed Jayne to distract the bad guys. Couldn't kiss you. You can't throw a knife like Jayne can."

Zoe's eyebrows flew up. "Is that River, Cap'n?"

Mal crossed his arms. "I believe so."

"Oh." Zoe nodded. "Should I be worried that she's been kissin' Jayne?"

River ignored them and proceeded on with her point. "Also my brother and that's gross." She shook her head. She stabbed her finger into Simon's chest. "Plus you kiss Kaylee all the time."

"That's different, _mei-mei._" Simon said.

"How? Old enough to do what I want." River shook her head. "Eighteen, can't stop me."

"Well," Simon took a deep breath, disregarding River's age for the moment. "For one, I love Kaylee and," he decided now was a good time to bring it up. "I'm also not half of Kaylee's age."

River snorted. "He's not _that_ old, besides age doesn't matter, especially in the black or among the core families. Could be married right now to an old geezer with white hair and no teeth and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

"That's not the point," Simon said.

"No, point is I'm no longer fourteen and I will kiss who I want when I want." River shouted. "We're not in the core anymore!"

"No. You can't." Simon straightened. "I-"

River leaned forward. "Watch me." She hissed and strode away from him making a beeline straight towards Jayne.

Mal opened his mouth to say something but it was too late. And Jayne, who'd been seemingly ignoring the conversation in favor of keeping watch of the boat, his face whipped about and the irate River immediately captured his lips.

Mal watched in shocked fascination as Vera dropped to be held by one hand and Jayne's other hand wrapped around River's petite frame, while Rivers hands buried themselves into his hair.

"_Gao yan zhong de gu yang._" Mal swore.

Simon's fists clenched tight by his side.

Badger laughed. "Looks like yer boat's had a spot of trouble, Reynolds. And yer watchdog's a might occupied."

Jayne lifted Vera and aimed at him. River cuddled into his front, her lips teasing his throat, hand playing over the front of his t-shirt. "Not that occupied." He growled.

"Well Badger," Mal smiled tightly. "I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. Like why my hired gun and albatross here are all over each other and why I've got seven men-"

"Eight." River corrected him.

Mal frowned. "I counted seven."

River's eyebrow rose and she glanced over her shoulder at him, peering through her hair. "Eight, Bester's in the engine room with Kaylee fixing Serenity."

"Bester." Zoe stated.

"Didn't I fire that _gou can de hun dan_?" Mal asked no one in particular.

"In favor of Kaylee, sir." Zoe acknowledged.

"And you left the two of them alone in a room together?" Mal asked Jayne.

Jayne shrugged.

"All in knots, can't get out." River giggled. "Plus, I'd know if something happened. No place for Bester to run." She licked Jayne's throat.

"Didn't know that you'll had a history." Jayne said, hand playing a tune along River's spine. "Before my time, I reckon."

"You reckon correctly." Mal said.

"Can't help yer a lousy lay," Kaylee said from the catwalks. "And just 'cause we slept together don't change nothin'. You still tried to hurt me and Serenity."

Bester snorted, hands in front of him. He nodded at Simon. "And he's better."

Kaylee shoved him a bit so he stumbled. "Yep, he don't need an engine."

Simon turned red.

Kaylee tilted her head to the side. "Plus, I love him. Never said, I loved you. Didn't know ya long enough."

Bester muttered something else and Kaylee swatted the back of his head. "Sit." Bester sat.

"I suppose as the Captain I should know what's goin' on." Mal said loudly. He looked over at Jayne. "Jayne, let River go."

River snuggled closer. "Comfy." She murmured.

Jayne sighed, stirring up strands of her hair. "I'm not an object for you to make points with woman. Pissin' off Simon is fun and all."

River pouted looking up at him. "But git."

"Sides, I'm a man."

River giggled and went up on tiptoes. "With man parts." She whispered into his ear.

"Exactly," he told her. "Now git."

River took a few steps back. "You'll show me one day." She said peering through her lashes, then twirled and dashed deeper into the ship.

Jayne's eyes closed. 'Girl's gonna be the death of me.' He thought and willed his erection away.

"Still waiting." Mal tapped his foot.

Simon coughed. "These men used some sort of short term sleeping gas to knock us out."

Kaylee nodded. "Yeppers, put it right into our air vents."

"We all woke up in the infirmary." Simon continued.

Badger snickered.

Jayne snapped the safety off his gun. "River came up with a plan and the two of us cleared out the boat. Found Bester here messin' with the engine. River knocked him out and we captured their pilot on the bridge. After another sweep, sent Kaylee to the engine room to try and figure out what Bester was doin' to the ship."

Kaylee glared at Bester. "He was riggin' the engine to blow as we left atmo."

"Simon and River proceeded to get into an argument," Jayne chewed the last word. "And you came back in and I reckon that's about it."

Mal looked at him face straight. "So when did the kissin' start?"

Simon glared at Jayne. "Yes, Jayne when did the kissing start?"

Jayne blinked. "In the infirmary." Then realization dawned. "I ain't ever kissed your sis afore today, doc. I swear."

Meg's nose wrinkled. "Didn't look like a first kiss to me."

Jayne pointed Vera at Meg. "You stay outta this."

Simon jumped back in. "She's half your age, Jayne.

"No. She ain't!" Jayne shouted. "You all act like I'm an old man in my grave. I ain't even hit thirty yet. Not even ten years between us." He grumbled.

"You should have at least pushed her away or protested." Simon retorted.

Kaylee grinned. "'Stead looked like you was enjoyin' yourself."

Jayne growled something about being a man.

"I don't see what that has to do with it." Simon crossed his arms.

Jayne sighed. "Don't you e'er listen to your sis. She done told you why she couldn't kiss you. And I thought it a might obvious why she couldn't kiss either Kaylee or Meg. Since neither she nor them swing that way and they can't throw knives to boot." Jayne leered at the mental image of River kissing either of the other two girls. "It was all part of our plan for distractin' the guards."

"A plan that neither of you verbalized."

Jayne shifted on his feet. "Some things don't need to be said. It became right obvious and the walls aren't that thick anyways. Didn't need them overhearing anythin' they shouldn't, _dong ma._"

"No. Obviously, I don't."

Mal held up a hand. "We can argue about this later. Like when were back in the black and have nothing else to do. Just get these," he waved a hand at the bodies and the two captives. "off my boat." He turned to Badger. "Now that's cleared up. Follow me." He paused as he passed the dead men. "Jayne, you shot people up in my boat?" Mal shook his head. "Never mind." He muttered and the two men headed towards the kitchen. With a nod to the others, Zoe followed a few paces behind.

Jayne stared at the two still living men. "Now what should we do with you?" He brought up Vera.

Kaylee's eyes widened. "You can't kill 'em in cold blood, Jayne!"

"Why for?" Jayne swept the gun at the bodies. "We did the rest of 'em."

Simon winced.

"That was different." Kaylee protested. "They had a chance to fight back."

"Says you." Jayne growled.

"Okay, not a very good one, but still a chance." She looked over at Simon and Meg. "Help me here."

Jayne sighed. "Look, obviously there's some bad blood here at least between Serenity and Bester and if it's one thing I've learned is that you don't let bad blood live. It just keeps comin' back to haunt ya."

"See, Kaylee, you can't hurt me." Bester smiled. "Guess you care after all."

The pilot glared at Bester. "Shut up."

Jayne snorted. "Kaylee's a little soft about things like this, but that's the way we wants her." He pointed Vera at the pilot. "I don't know why you're here."

River floated back in appearing out the darkness like a wraith in the dress of midnight blue Jayne had given her. "Money in his pocket, no badness of the past." She stopped behind the pilot and ran her fingers through his hair. "He can go."

The pilot shivered remembering Jayne's words.

Jayne wiggled his eyebrows. "Is that so? Well, I guess you'd know." He used the end of Vera to signal the pilot could get to his feet. "Long as I don't see his face again anytime in the near future."

"Won't." River said as she untied his bonds.

"Can understand about the money in the pocket thing." Jayne said. Vera now trained on Bester.

The pilot nodded and edged around them. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it and don't abuse it." Jayne turned his head to look at him, eyes narrow. "Now git." The pilot took to his heels and quickly disappeared into the crowd. Jayne turned back to Bester. "And this _hun dan_?"

Bester didn't appear fazed. "You said you understood money right. I got lots of it. You don't kill me and I'll give you lots of it."

"Low, dirty," River shook her head.

"See, I was susceptible to bribes, once." Jayne shook his head. "Not anymore, sides I don't need money. Least ways, not your money." He shifted Vera to rest against his shoulder. "Any other ideas?"

"Beg, pray." River murmured. Bester stiffened.

"Jayne!" Kaylee shouted.

Jayne sighed and took his eye away from the scope of Vera. "What!"

"You can't just shoot him." She gestured at Bester.

Jayne lowered Vera. "Oh right, Mal wouldn't appreciate that, despite that not even Vera can dent the hull of the ship."

Meg tapped her gun against her thigh. "He was trying to blow us up, Kaylee. I mean that's a form of death. Not even an honorable way of death, Bester wasn't willing to get his hands dirty by actually shooting us, most of us whom he didn't have any argument with. Jayne's got a point. Death is death and I don't want to die by leaving this-" she waved her hand, "thing alive."

"Still," Kaylee shifted on her feet.

"Hurt Serenity," River said, her eyes caught Jayne's.

"But," Kaylee said.

"Hurt, angry, wants revenge." River said and placed her hands on either side of Bester's head. "Except vengeance went all wrong. Doesn't know why, just did. Won't stop, won't ever stop. Bad thoughts, hurt me, hurt Serenity." She tilted Bester's head back so he could look at her, but her eyes remained on Jayne. "Bad thoughts, bad man, not honorable."

"I'm not going to remain here while you discuss murder." Simon stated.

"Then go someplace else." Jayne snorted.

"I'm not leaving River either."

"Fine." River stated, digging her fingers into Bester's scalp. "Thoughts becoming incoherent, dark." She licked her lips making them shine. Jayne's breath caught and he growled. He wanted to tell her to stop teasing him. Yet he instinctively knew if he did she'd just keep right on doing it, if not more. His body ached, remembering her firm breasts pressed against it. The breasts that pushed out of the dress he'd bought her, a slight shadow indicating her cleavage. Her eyes hooded and he snarled. She knew what she was doing to him. She bit her bottom lip. "Can't shoot him. What to do?" She murmured, leaning down close to Bester's ear, flaunting the tops of her breasts.

Jayne couldn't tear his eyes away. "That's the question we was askin'."

Bester breathed in her scent deep. "Oh baby," he murmured. Jayne stiffened.

River's lip curled and she let him go. "Shootings too good for you." She stalked past him and pressed her body back against Jayne.

"I thought I talked to you about this." He told her.

Simon glared.

"Can still feel it. Can't help it." River murmured. "Pours off you in waves." She brushed her lips along his chin. "Tuned to me and only to me, makes me vibrate in tune. Drives me to you."

Jayne glanced over at Bester. River would have to wait. "Are we gonna kill him or not?" He growled.

"No," Simon said.

"No!" Kaylee gasped.

"Yes," Meg nodded.

"Soon please," River added.

"Gorram democracy never works." Jayne growled.

Bester sighed. "If you're gonna shoot me would you get it over with."

Jayne raised Vera. "Fine." He said and squeezed the trigger. Bester flew backwards the top of his head exploding.

"Jayne!" Kaylee shouted.

"He asked for it." Jayne muttered. River reached over and shifted the safety on Vera. He peered down at her. "All right, woman for the last time lemme go. I've got work to do and no one's gonna help me."

"I will," River pouted. "I help make mess, should help clean it."

"Not in that dress," Jayne growled. "Why'd you change anyways?"

"In this dress girl becomes woman. Woman needs man like in Garden." She pressed her hand against his heart. "Man and woman are of one flesh. Made that way, not good to take apart."

"Get that from Shepard's book." Jayne's eyes narrowed.

River nodded.

"Thought it didn't make sense."

"Logic based on emotions never makes sense." She tapped her fingers against him. "A very wise man told me that."

Jayne shoved her away. He looked at Simon. It looked like the only thing that kept Simon from punching Jayne was the fact River was in the way or the fact River would most likely catch his arm before he could connect. Jayne grunted and slung Vera across his back heading across the bay to grab the first body. He grabbed it by its armpits and began to drag it backwards. "Well, you best go change back if you want to help me out." He said as he went past her.

River sighed and went to change.

Jayne kept tugging the bodies out of the cargo bay, laying them in a neat line outside. Simon stood there chewing his tongue. Meg stood up, stretched and headed towards her chair at the bridge. Jayne left Bester for last and decided that dragging him by his ankles might be better. Kaylee placed her hand on Simon's arm. "I don't know if I got everything with the engine fixed."

He looked at her, distracted from glaring at Jayne. "You go ahead _bei-bao_."

Kaylee shook her head. "I need help."

Simon opened his mouth, but Kaylee tugged on his arm leading him away from Jayne and his grisly cargo. Jayne's shoulder's relaxed minutely.

"Papa cat away, now mice can play." River taunted.

Jayne jumped and spun.

River stood in the middle of the cargo bay looking around at the blood in distaste. "After we clean."

He chuckled. "Don't like a little blood."

"You look good in red, but not in others red." She gestured.

He scowled. "Now don't go bringing that on again."

Mal strode through the door. "Is my boat clean yet?"

"Gettin' there." Jayne looked up.

"What's takin' so long?"

"You didn't leave clear orders so we had to debate what to do." Jayne shrugged. River made little squeaking noises as she tiptoed around and over the drops of blood. Her toes barely touched the clean spaces of deck. Jayne glanced at her feet. "Plus, she's not wearin' shoes again."

River paused in mid stride and glared at him. "Don't like shoes."

"Just get it clean. We've got guests comin'" Mal ordered and disappeared again.

"Twitchy," Jayne muttered. "Ain't like there are any real ladies here to care about a bit of blood."

River snickered. "Famous last words."

Badger bounced down the steps. "Right, I'll be back soon with the girls."

Jayne looked over at River. "Like I said, real ladies."

--


	6. Chapter 6

A Mite Unpredictable  
Doxies and Dupes  
Chapter Six  
By RingPrincess

A/N I'm so sorry for the lateness of this. You see, I got nominated for this award for Rayne fic with most potential and well, I had to make good. Making good involved re writing the next chapters and I had a hard time. But here you are. I hope you enjoy!

"The man, sir, is a cad." Zoë said as she placed her hands on her hips. Her eyes on Badger's mule pulling away down the crowded docks, their passengers filing towards the dorms. Their trunks piled in the middle of the floor.

Mal's face froze for a second and then he shrugged. "He took off his fancy hat for dinner."

Zoë smiled tightly. "Doesn't change nothing."

Mal shrugged and punched a button on the gray box near the door. "Meg, take us out of the world."

Zoë turned around and stared at Mal's back as he went further into the ship, the cargo bay doors closed behind her cutting off the final light on Persephone. She shook her head and laughed quietly to herself.

Mal continued up the stairs and reached the kitchen fairly quickly. Jayne was standing over the sink with River both had soap up to their elbows.

"Jayne, Albatross," he said. They looked over their shoulders. Mal latched his thumbs through his belt loops. "I don't right know what's been going on for the last few weeks, but it ends now. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to see it. It's in the past and that's where it's gonna stay. We've all got jobs to do and that's what we're going to do." Both stared at him, Jayne's mouth gaping. Mal nodded and shifted on his feet. "Get to work." He left, River and Jayne's eyes burning into his back. He proceeded back down the stairs and into the common room outside the infirmary. He gazed at each one of his new paying passengers, well Badger was paying and they were along for the trip, a one-way trip. Mal opened his mouth to say something when a very familiar head of strawberry blonde hair caught his attention.

Blue eyes raked his figure up and down and her mouth curved into a smirk. He was as handsome as ever.

Mal's mouth opened and closed for a few seconds then he sputtered the first thing that came to his head. "What happened to you not being anyone's doxy?"

"Captain Reynolds," she purred.

Mal pointed at her. "You're pulling a scam and I'm not going to be any part of it, Yo-Saff-Bridge. And I don't recall giving you permission to be on my boat."

Saffron pouted. "Badger paid my fare, like he paid the other girls."

Mal froze.

She pouted more. "And it is awfully cold outside."

"As cold as your lack of a heart," Inara said from the other entrance of the downstairs common area.

Saffron's head whipped around to stare at her. "One doesn't need a heart to be a whore or a companion."

Inara turned to Mal. "She can't stay on. Every time she's come near Serenity, she hurts the ship."

Mal's mouth opened.

Saffron stood up. "You're just jealous of my mechanical abilities."

Inara's control loosened enough to roll her eyes. "Mal, don't tell me the job has anything with her."

"I'm as much a passenger as the others," Saffron gestured with her hand.

"Passengers?" Inara coughed.

Mal frowned and stepped back into the conversation. "Yes, passengers, who will follow the same rules as every other passenger that have gotten onto my boat."

Inara blinked. "Rules?"

"Which I was just getting to before I was interrupted."

Both Inara and Saffron frowned at Mal.

"I don't recall any interrupting. You just started talking." Saffron crossed her arms.

Mal glared. "See, interrupting!" Saffron pouted and sat back down. "Now, as I was about to say before," He gestured all around the common area. "The rules are these. You are restricted to the common area and your rooms while the ship is in flight, except during meals, which are held in the kitchen up these stairs and to the right. When you do leave this area you will be escorted at all times by a member of the crew, which goes double for Yo-Saff-Bridge."

"Her name is Dierdre." One of other girls said.

Mal's eyebrows flew to his hairline. "Dierdre now." He gave Saffron a long level look. "Well, Dierdre, double for you or you will find how cold it is outside. Jayne will be moving all your trunks into your rooms shortly."

He walked through the common area and past Inara who followed him into the cargo bay.

"And who are those woman, Mal?" Inara asked.

"They're employees of Badger's."

"Who, as we both know is a fine upstanding businessman."

"I just take the jobs, Inara. I tend not to ask too many deep questions. We don't have jobs. We don't fly. As I understand, you're both in the same type of work. You should get along fine."

"So, they are whores."

"I thought it was obvious." Mal turned to her. "I don't like having them on my boat as much as you don't."

Inara reared back. "Meaning what? You don't like sex workers using your ship as transportation from place to place."

"That's not what I said. Why do you have to be so tetchy about what you do?"

"Because you don't approve and have never been afraid to say so."

"That doesn't stop you from working or at least it never has before. I appreciate you going off for supplies while Zoë and I went to discuss business with Badger. Yet, I don't understand why you didn't line up a meeting while you were here."

Inara's mouth snapped shut and she blinked a few times. She spun and headed up the stairs. "I'll be in my shuttle."

Mal stared after her. It'd been a simple question.

--

"_Mei-mei,_ what are you doing?" Simon asked outside his sister's closed door.

"Changing," she replied.

"It's the middle of the day and you've changed twice already."

"Affirmative."

Simon sighed and looked upwards.

River glanced at her closed door at his sigh and went back to her clothes. She picked up another dress and threw it over her head. "It's not right." She muttered and picked out more clothes, holding them in front of her at arms length and then placing them near her chest. She scowled and threw them onto a heap of rejects. "No, no, no." She heaved a great sigh. "I have nothing to wear."

"You have plenty to wear." Simon riposted outside the door. "Now come out."

"Nothing that fits!" River shouted at the door and threw one of her boots at it. Simon just didn't understand.

"All your clothes fit." Simon sighed.

River glared at the door. "They don't _fit_." She emphasized. "Simon doesn't understand. Can't repeat too often or it will become ineffective." She muttered and glared at all the clothes that littered her small room, covering the floor and her few pieces of furniture.

"Of course not." Simon rolled his eyes, River could tell. Simon did that when he was annoyed with her.

"Nothing to wear." River repeated. "Nothing that will set me apart and above them. No one will notice me and I will lose. Not fair that Jayne likes their types already. They have the advantage, must figure out how to negate and defeat."

Simon stared at the door, brow furrowed.

"I will not lose to them."

"River, you're not making sense."

"Not making sense because you cannot see." River crossed her arms. "You cannot see because you do not want to see. You refuse. Go away. Go be with Kaylee. Leave me to my misery. Go away!" She stomped her bare foot.

Simon sighed and stared at the door for a few moments. "All right, just come out for dinner." He walked away.

River sat on the bed and stared at the floor. What was she going to do? A scrap of gray underneath a pile of flowers caught her eye and she grinned. She reached down and pulled the gray dress out of the pile. Jayne liked this dress. She tossed it over her head, wiggling her hips to set it correctly. She fumbled for her boots and with a quick look around the room shrugged and headed out the door.

--

Mal had his feet up on the table in the kitchen and a coffee cup in his hand when Inara came in to get something. She saw him and turned away.

"Ifin' I was a smarter man, I'd think you were avoiding me." Mal mused into his cup. "An old fashion shunning, them women have been on board less than twenty seventy-two hours and you haven't said a peep to me since we shouted. Hard to think there isn't a connection, since you've been socializing with them and all."

Inara paused.

"If you're not there anymore, I'm gonna look right foolish talking to myself." Mal continued.

Inara stared down the hall for a moment, debating on whether or not to speak what had been on her mind the past day and a half. The time she'd spent her waking hours with Badger's whores talking 'shop'. Her shoulder's tightened and she spoke. "They're not just whores, Mal. Saffron's involved and that means something's up." She turned around. "Can't you see, Badger is using you again. You're dupes for her wiles and his snake tongue."

"Doesn't change facts that we need jobs." Mal set his feet down. "Miranda or no, right now we're social pariah's for anyone with a shady past. Alliance is watching us somehow and until they figure we're not going to do anything more. We have to lay low. If that means taking jobs from people we don't like. That's what we got to do."

Inara pressed her lips together. "There are plenty of legitimate jobs you could take that would accomplish the same purpose and keep the Alliance away from you at the same time."

"And those with legitimate business won't touch us either because of," Mal tilted his head, "Miranda."

Inara and Mal stared at each other.

--

"She just feels insecure, Simon." Kaylee said, her legs extending from under the engine.

"Insecure?"

"Not that, pass me the wrench, I blame her." Kaylee grunted. "Ifin' you weren't so uptight about everything I might be insecure too." Simon's eyebrows flew upwards. Kaylee couldn't see from her place so she just kept talking. "But you're up here in the engine with me and not in the infirmary."

Simon shifted on his feet. "I'm," he paused. "Hiding."

Kaylee pushed out from under the engine and frowned. "Hidin'?"

"The common room feels," he paused again searching for the right word. "Invaded."

Kaylee giggled. "All the female fripperies."

Simon grimaced. "And the smell. It's giving me a headache, along with River's sudden strangeness."

"Well, if you feel invaded think how she feels. All these women invading her space."

"Then she could go to the kitchen."

"Which she has been," Kaylee interjected and pulled herself back under the engine.

"Or to the cargo bay. Yet, she's changing her clothes every five minutes."

"Not every five minutes, Simon."

"It feels like it." Simon raked a hand through his hair.

"When did you start exaggerating so much?"

"And she's talking nonsense. I thought she was doing better."

"She is, she's perfectly fine and as rational as one can be when they feel like she does. Insecurity isn't a rational thing that can be fixed with drugs."

Simon stilled and crouched down so he could try to see her under her beloved engine. "Do you feel insecure about me?"

Kaylee paused for a second. "Sometimes, when I think about all the core girls and debutantes you used to know and the way you used to act."

"I was a prick."

"You had a real stick up your ass." Kaylee nodded. "But these whores are to River what those Core girls were to me. All them pretty dresses, fancy perfumes and their manner. Of course she's changing her clothes and things."

"But why?"

"It's one of them women things." Kaylee said. "No matter how hard I try to explain it. It ain't goin' to make sense. River's got catchin' up to do to become a balanced young woman and this is part of it. Relax."

"You've been telling me that a lot lately." Simon grinned.

"Hmm, maybe that stick isn't as gone as I thought." Kaylee wiggled back out and sat up. She placed her wrench to the side.

Simon leaned in, sister forgotten for the smell of engine grease and soap. "Care to find out?"

--

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen 

Inara moved closer to the table. "I'm slightly confused as to the nature of my position on this boat."

Mal set his cup on the table. "First I heard of it."

She paused at the opposite end and rested the tips of her fingers on the tabletop. "Since Miranda, I'm not sure of how I fit here. Am I a Companion, a passenger or a member of the crew? The nature of things before was always fluid I will admit. They've just gotten worse and worse lately. I need to know what you want me to be."

Mal's eyebrows flew to his hairline. "Me?"

"I can't have you changing the rules all the time. If I'm to be something on the ship, I have to be that one thing and not be dabbling in three things at once."

Mal sat silently for a few minutes. "What do you want to be?"

"I don't know." She paused and looked down at her perfectly manicured hands. "Living out here in the black has changed my view on how the 'verse works. On Sihnon, I would never believed Miranda or Reavers possible." She looked up. "Or that the Alliance would do something such as create them. Out here," she gestured helplessly. "It's different. It's a fact of life and I have to come to deal with that. Sihnon isn't my world anymore and I've chosen to stay here. To stay here I have to have a place."

Mal felt drawn to her. He stood up and walked around the table to her. He brushed her shoulder with his hand. "Inara," he murmured.

"And I need to know what you want that place to be-"

Mal leaned forward and brushed her lips with his. She sighed, a gentle breeze across his lips and leaned into him. His hand tightened on her shoulder, his arm wrapped about her waist drawing her closer. Inara knew what to do. It's what she did. Yet, Mal was different. He wasn't business. He was the man who had managed to get under her skin for over a year. Oh, one could never be oneself around men, but around Mal she sure wanted to try. She slid one hand around his neck and buried into his hair. Her other hand went to his hip, clutching it until her knuckles turned white. He brushed her lips again and again. Her world was spinning and she didn't care in the least.

She might have been if she was aware they were being watched.

--

River's legs kicked back and forth over the edge of the catwalk. Normally, she'd lie down and listen but today she wanted to keep her eyes on Jayne. Her thoughts were on him already, so why not her eyes. It wasn't as if he wasn't nice to look at. There really was no pretending that Jayne was easy on the eyes. It was there in the way his muscles flexed under his t-shirt or the scruffiness of his neatly trimmed goatee. His hair was just long enough to run her fingers through. He'd gotten it cut after Miranda.

So River stared. The physical was solid. It was fact. Underneath the physical there were currents and eddies of the emotional and the mental, things that couldn't really be measured no matter how hard you tried. It all came down to one simple thing. There were far too many couples aboard the boat.

No matter what Jayne said, Simon's words kept coming back to her. "Disconnected," she whispered. She could think of a lot of things that meant the same thing, detached, disengaged, cut off, severed, removed, separated, isolated, confused. The words ran through her head, each a permutation of Simon's statement.

Her head snapped upwards towards the kitchen. She closed her eyes as she shared the dizziness of Mal and Inara. She forced her eyes open to look at Jayne. Was what she felt for him just a reflection of them? A wave of warmth swept for the engine room, Simon and Kaylee. She clutched her temples. She didn't want to feel them. She wanted to be herself, whole and entire! And nothing, absolutely nothing radiated off of Jayne. She glared at him and resisted the urge to scream. She'd felt nothing ever since those _he chu sheng za jiao de zang hou_ had come on board. Not a whisper, not even a ghost in the middle of the night, not even what she considered the dirty mask of thoughts that hid his true feelings and emotions.

And the captain had been hovering. Or she'd felt intimidated by the smoothness of Badger's girls, with their pretty dresses and well done coiffures. Not that she would have asked in front of them, this was too intimate. It was between Jayne and her. They'd most likely laugh at her. So, she couldn't ask. She glanced up at the ceiling again. He seemed a preoccupied at the moment and the girls were confined to the downstairs common area. She stood up to go talk to Jayne.

But he was missing.

--

She'd been staring at him. Like he was going to up and disappear if she turned away. Staring at him though locks of dark wavy hair hard enough to burn holes through his shirt and into the muscles covering his heart. It made his muscles tense up and his brow furrow. He shivered unconsciously and his hands shook. He couldn't concentrate and that was something he needed when he was lifting weights without a spotter, at least, a spotter who wasn't over six feet up and five feet away. She wouldn't be able to do much of nothing up there and he hadn't wanted to call her down to help and be that much closer to the intensity of her rich brown eyes. If she stared hard enough he was sure she could see right through him and deep into his heart and brain. So, he'd left and despite the intensity of her stare. He didn't think she noticed.

He grabbed the top rung of his bunk and used a foot to push the door in. He quickly wiped the sweat from his forehead with the towel around his neck. He descended into his bunk not bothering to turn on the light. He knew where everything was. He dropped the towel on the floor and pulled his sodden t-shirt over his head.

A light flicked on.

"Hello big boy," Mal's psychotic blushing bride virtually purred from behind him.

"Oh rutting hell," he muttered and didn't turn around. Maybe if he didn't turn around she would just disappear.

No such luck. Saffron ran a hand down his back, and he stiffened, muscles tensing even more. "Big, strong, sweaty man," she purred. "You're so tense, let me help."

Jayne's eyes closed. Yes, woman folk were nothing but trouble, this one in particular. Saffron's hands rubbed his shoulders. Her lips brushed the back of his neck, tickling the short hairs at the nape. Saffron smiled against his skin.

There was the sound of rubber hitting metal and Jayne jumped. River stared at him. Her eyes riveted on his face.

Saffron unaware of their new guest reached a hand around his chest and pressed her body against his. Jayne's eyes widened. Saffron's fingers tangled with the short hairs on his chest. River's jaw dropped slightly and she stiffened and then the screams started.

--

End Chapter...

I know I'm mean. Ending like that, but it's such a good place to stop! ducks and hides I'm writing more promise!


	7. Chapter 7

A Mite Unpredictable  
Chapter Seven  
Far too Many Face Offs  
By RingPrincess

A/N Any and all wrenches in this chapter are dedicated to earthwhatwere. I know this is rather quick, don't expect it all the time. But I couldn't leave you in suspense considering where I left off. Cruel, yes, but not THAT cruel.

"Thief! Man-stealer! Hussy!" River shouted.

Saffron's head came around Jayne's neck.

River lunged forward. "Jien hwo."

Jayne managed to barely catch her about the waist. Saffron stumbled back. She tumbled onto Jayne's bunk.

"You and her?" She gasped.

River kept shouting epitaphs in her direction, each getting relatively more ancient but more creative as she went. She wriggled in Jayne's arms but didn't want to hurt him.

"No fightin' in my bunk!"

Saffron threw her head back began to laugh.

Jayne and River froze.

"She's a child." Saffron's eyes narrowed. "Jayne, don't you want a woman?"

"I'm more of a woman than you are!" River shouted. "Better suited, all you'll do is use him and drop him, crazy whore!"

"Half formed child!" Saffron shouted back.

"Incompetent hag."

Jayne decided it was past time to interrupt. "Gorram it. Git out!" He yelled over them.

--

Mal and Inara broke apart and looked down the hall towards Jayne's bunk.

"What in ruttin' hell?" Mal muttered.

"That means you!" River's voice drifted to them.

"I was here first." Saffron shouted back.

"Initial presence doesn't equate precedence."

"Git both of you!" Jayne shouted.

Mal stepped away from Inara. His jaw tensed. Inara sighed and placed her head in her hands. "We ain't done here." He told her and strode down the hall till he was leaning over Jayne's bunk. _"Ni men dou bi zui!"_ Silence fell over the bunk. Mal glared down. "Jayne!"

"It weren't my fault!"

"You care to explain why you have two bickering women in your bunk."

"Not unless you care to explain why one of them is your wife." Jayne replied.

"She ain't my wife!" Mal shouted.

"But honey," Saffron pouted. "I have to get my loving somewhere and you just aren't cutting it."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Everybody, out. And you all better have clothes on."

"I wanna shower." Jayne complained.

"Now!" Mal ordered.

"Hussy first," River added.

Saffron sighed. "I can't believe this."

Mal stared at the wall above Jayne's door. "Saffron!"

"Oh fine." She pouted and Mal moved away from the door, un-holstering his gun. Once she was out, he gestured her to the side with the barrel.

"River, albatross, you next."

"Need to talk with Jayne."

"Albatross, I'm not messing around here."

"He's got his gun out," Saffron said.

"Darling, up." Jayne said.

Saffron choked. "Darling," she whispered.

Mal scowled.

"No," River stomped her foot.

There was a sound of opening and slamming of drawers.

"Last chance," Jayne's voice drifted up. A pause, "All right then."

"Ape!" River shouted. "Put me down." River suddenly screeched. "Jayne!"

Mal blinked as Jayne came up the ladder, River draped over his back, held there by his arm around her ankles.

"Stop you're complaining." He muttered as he carefully finished leaving his bunk so he wouldn't hit her head on anything.

River's hands hit the deck and she wriggled her ankles out from his grip and flipped to her feet. "Not dignified."

Jayne snorted. "Wasn't supposed to be."

"Mess," Mal ordered. "Now." His face was not happy.

River bit her lip and nodded. Jayne headed towards the mess without comment. River was hard on his heels, her hand reaching for his arm. Saffron glared at Mal but gathered her skirts and followed.

Mal holstered his gun. He kept his hand on it as he entered the kitchen. "I have rules on this boat, and I recall being pretty clear about them rules." His gaze traversed the trio.

Jayne crossed his arms. "Psychotic bride there was trying to seduce me! It's not my fault."

Saffron laughed. "You wanted me."

Jayne glared at her. "You ain't supposed to be out of the passenger dorms. I don't want you."

Mal looked at River. "Albatross?"

"Needed to talk to Jayne." She titled her head at him, a lock of hair swinging across her eyes.

"Of course you wanted me. If you hadn't wanted me you would've moved away." Saffron sneered.

"There ain't that much room." Jayne protested.

River calmly moved in front of Saffron. "My kung fu is better than yours."

Saffron's nostrils flared and she began a strike at River. Jayne caught her wrist.

"Enough games," Mal barked. "Jayne let Saffron go." He glared at Saffron. "Now my patience is wearing mighty thin. So why don't you tell us the reason you're actually here."

Jayne let go of Saffron's wrist and tugged River by the shoulder closer to him.

Saffron straightened, letting her hand drop languidly. "Really Mal, it's not something I want to talk about in such a public place."

"Will my shuttle do?" Inara stepped forward.

Mal looked over at her, his eyebrows rose. Inara nodded. "Lead the way." He gestured. "River, Jayne, I gave you orders." He left them standing in the kitchen. A few moments later, "Zoë, please come to Inara's shuttle," was heard over the ship-wide intercom.

Jayne dropped River's wrist and departed from the mess back to the cargo bay. River stared at his retreating back.

"You're running away!" She shouted.

"No. I ain't." Jayne shouted back.

River's forehead pinched and she went after him. "Disagreement. We must talk."

"No. We don't."

River paused at the door of the cargo bay, her eyes getting accustomed to the brighter light. "She was seducing you and you were letting her!" She marched into the bay. "If I hadn't come, you would've…" she drifted off and shook her head. "Not important."

"Then we don't need to talk." Jayne spun on his heel and continued towards wherever he was going. River refrained from stomping her foot. She shook her head violently and followed after him, pausing only to pick up a wrench from a nearby box.

"Not important enough to be first!" River said and swung the wrench.

Jayne staggered as it hit him in the arm with just enough force to leave a bruise. "What the fuck!" He whirled about and tried to grab the wrench as it swung for him again, but had to back away lest he be hit.

"Ape-man will pay attention."

Jayne backed up again, his eyes on the swinging wrench. "This ain't happening and we ain't having this conversation."

"Can't know what I want to talk about, so we will have this conversation if I have to break your legs to keep you here." She wiggled the wrench for emphasis.

"I need my legs the way they are."

"Then listen!"

"Then ruttin' say something that makes sense!"

"Won't talk to me, avoids me, can't feel anything, can't hear anything." River began to breathe heavily. "Then finds another woman in his bunk."

"That weren't my fault."

"That's not the point," River screeched and waved the wrench in the air. Jayne took off, River hard on his heels wrench still high above her head. Jayne dashed up the stairs, across the catwalk and back down the stairs. River was on his heels. He ran around and found the stairs again, his panicked mind unable to remember that to get away from her he had to go in another direction. Or maybe the sight of watching her chase him around with a wrench was too embarrassing to let others in on it.

They ran around and up the catwalk a few more times until River got wise to what Jayne was doing. She stopped and ran the opposite direction, until they came face to face in the middle of the catwalk. Jayne skidded to a halt and grabbed her wrist trying to wrestle the wrench away from her. He twisted it and she cried out. The wrench clattered to the grate between them and they jumped apart glaring at each other.

--

Saffron rubbed the fine red upholstery of Inara's couch. Inara sat nearby, her hands whisking tea. Mal stood at the door and Zoë sat on a chair next to the curtain that hid Inara's cortex screen. Mal's eyes flickered to Inara's hands and then to Saffron's face.

"So, start talking." He said as Inara poured the tea.

Saffron settled back into her seat. "Badger has an ulterior motive for transporting us to Regina."

Inara rolled her eyes and Mal stared at Saffron. "Beyond the obvious." He added.

Saffron sighed. "Every one of the girls, including me, that Badger is paying you to transport are professional thieves as well as-"

"Whores." Inara finished.

Saffron glared at her. "Whores," she conceded. "The situation isn't as interesting though as the take, four million square of fine gems from Regina's finest jewelers, cut but unset for non-identification sake." Saffron looked between all of them. "The job is actually four to take place simultaneously. The gems, once stolen would be set among pastes and taken off world through our regular luggage. Gifts from satisfied clients."

"But you want to change the plan." Zoë said.

"I have the blue prints, security codes and the expertise to get the goods. I need a transport off Regina to my buyer on Ariel."

"Ambitious." Mal nodded. "Four million square. Last time we dealt it was one million square."

"You cut me out of that deal quite nicely. I have to make up for my losses."

Mal's eyebrows rose. "You saw me naked. You also betrayed us first, rigging my boat to blow and leaving me in the middle of the desert."

"But you planned for that," Saffron glared at Inara.

"That I did." Mal nodded. "Doesn't make me trust you anymore. Just proves I can out think you."

"Oh please," Inara whispered.

"So what does this have to do with my mercenary?" Mal crossed his arms.

Saffron fidgeted. "He likes money. He likes whores."

"And?"

"Oh come on, Reynolds." Saffron tossed her hair. "If I told you what was going on I doubt you would have listened to me."

"And you think Jayne putting in a good word would get me to think better of you." Mal half laughed.

"Better than nothing!"

"Jayne doesn't know how to put in a good word without sticking his foot in his mouth half a dozen times." Mal retorted. "The man offered to trade you for a rifle, gorram it. Though now I think I was getting the better end of the deal."

"Four million square," Saffron reminded.

"He tried to trade you for a rifle!"

--

River and Jayne glared at each other from opposite railings of the catwalk. Jayne crossed his arms and leaned against the railing.

"Can't feel you, can't hear you."

"You mean in your head."

"Yes!"

"That's the way it's supposed to be. I can't feel your feelings either and you don't see me shoutin' about it. Just cause you're all messed up in the brainpan doesn't mean the rest of us are. Welcome to part of being normal."

"Can still feel others, but not yours." She poked her finger at his chest. "I can't hear_ go se_."

"Well, that just evens things right out."

"Haven't heard anything since they got aboard! So, must be that Jayne is having thoughts about them he doesn't want me to know about, cause Jayne likes whores. Whores who don't expect kisses on the mouth."

Jayne stiffened. "Kissin' ain't what this is about."

River ignored him. "All the love surrounds me and drowns me and I can't tell if it's mine or theirs because I can't feel you. We connected but now it's broken."

"Not this feelings _le se._"

"Feelings are not _le se_!"

"You ain't goin' to be poking about in my head. It's not a place where you need to be."

"I like your head." River whispered, then stiffened voice rising. "You're avoiding me! You won't talk to me, dance with me, play."

"You heard Mal."

"Since when did you care what Captain says, if I can't feel you, you have to show me, be with me! Contact, this is important!"

"Yes, it is, but with Mal hovering. We can't do a gorram thing!"

River froze, staring at Jayne. The shuttle door opened.

--

Mal glared at Saffron. "So, this comes down to you wanting to double cross Badger."

Saffron nodded.

"Sir?"

Mal looked to Zoë. "Yes, Zoë."

"The man richly deserves it."

Mal narrowed his eyes. "We've had our fair share of troubles with Badger. The latest of which being Die-Yo-Saff-Bridge here."

Zoë nodded.

Saffron rolled her eyes.

"Doesn't mean we still can't take the job." Zoë tapped her thigh.

"Money?" Mal's eyebrows rose.

"Boredom." Zoë countered.

Mal looked at Inara. "Inara?"

"You're the captain."

Mal snorted and looked to Saffron. "Bring me the information."

He turned and opened the door behind him, stomping out onto the catwalk. He walked between Jayne and River's staring contest without noticing until he kicked the wrench. It spun in circles falling over the side and tumbled to the cargo deck below with a large clang. River and Jayne jumped slightly.

Mal stopped and turned about. He looked over the catwalk at the wrench and back at his muscle experts. "Having bolt problems?"

River didn't look away from Jayne. "Needed to insert information into thick craniums."

"Just don't bend the wrench." Mal walked away.

"Hey!" Jayne shifted on his feet.

"And I'm not cleaning up any messes." Mal called back.

Zoë barely nodded to them as she left and Inara practically shoved Saffron out the door as she headed after Mal. They had unfinished business.

Saffron fiddled with her fingers as the shuttle door closed behind her. She took the few paces to stand next to Jayne and reached out to lay a hand on his arm. She looked up at him through her lashes. River stiffened as Jayne unconsciously looked at her. "Jayne, I need your help." She pouted.

"Corporeal female with prior claim in radius." River hissed.

Saffron ignored her and pressed her body to Jayne's. "You like money right. I can get you money, lots of money."

River's eyes narrowed and she grabbed Saffron's free arm and yanked her away from Jayne, using her other hand to chop down on the offending wrist touching Jayne's arm. She shoved her away from him. "Hands off."

Saffron cradled her wrist. "You can have him back when I'm done. I promise."

Jayne's eyes widened and he stood up straight.

River took one step forward and delivered one of her high devastating kicks that Jayne remembered oh so well from the Maidenhead. Saffron stumbled back, falling to her backside and scrambling backwards. She regained her feet and ran for the cargo deck floor.

River jumped the rail and landed in front of her, rising and spinning her elbows out. Saffron blocked the blows on her arms. She punched River, who grabbed her wrist and pivoted to place Saffron behind her and kicked straight upwards into her face. Saffron lost her balance and River threw her over her shoulder.

Saffron's hands scrambled to the side and reached the fallen wrench. She swung upwards and River slammed it between the flats of her hands just before her nose. She twisted them to the side and twisted the wrench out of Saffron's hands, flinging it to the side. It clattered against one of the walls, reverberating throughout the ship. Saffron rose with a three-punch combo, driving River away from her. River used the momentum to flip backwards and scraped Saffron's chin while she got away.

The clang brought the crew from all over the ship. River spun and kicked Saffron again.

"Jayne!" Mal barked.

"You think I'm crazy!" Jayne shouted back. "I've been on the receivin' end before. It hurts."

Saffron grabbed River's leg and pulled her off balance.

Mal sighed and pulled his gun. Zoë did the same. They cocked them at the same time, resulting in a large click and an instant end of the fight. The two glared at each other, chests heaving.

"This is getting tedious." Mal said.

River crossed her arms. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

"I wasn't scorning you!" Saffron shouted.

"Enough!" Mal ordered. "This is the way it is. Saffron you go back to the passenger dorms. River, you go relieve Meg on the bridge and Jayne-"

"I'll be in my bunk." Jayne growled and stomped away. River straightened her shoulders and with a last glare at Saffron headed towards the bridge.

Zoë holstered her gun.

"A smooth, easy transport." Mal muttered. "Do I jinx myself?"

Meg leaned against the catwalk railing. Her arms crossed over it and butt in the air. "I wouldn't know, captain." Her braid slipped around her neck, showing off a large plaid ribbon bow holding the end.

Mal dropped his gun back in his holster and then looked at Saffron. "You got someplace else to be?"

Saffron huffed and returned the passenger dorms.

"You're sister is turning back into a large problem." Mal whirled to Simon.

"And this is my fault because?" Simon's eyebrow rose. He didn't seem to notice that the first three buttons of his shirt were undone, as were the cuffs.

"You were supposed to control her."

"If you haven't noticed, nobody controls River, except River." Simon shrugged. "That's the way it's always been."

Mal glared at him. "Well, she's caused quite the ruckus on my boat."

"But still is a valuable asset during jobs." Simon said. "I don't understand her either."

"Keep her away from Saffron."

"How?" Inara interjected. "The boat isn't that big, Mal. Plus, she sleeps in the passenger dorms, since neither her nor Simon have bunks like the rest of the crew."

"Ain't enough bunks to go around."

Kaylee tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Simon could always share mine."

Silence descended and Simon flushed.

"And when River has a nightmare?" Mal asked. There was more silence. "So, riding right past that suggestion. Just keep River and Saffron apart."

"What am I supposed to do? Hide her?" Simon's jaw dropped.

"Do what you must." Mal glared. "Just keep them apart and out of my hair."

"Sir, Saffron's left the passenger dorms before. Doesn't mean she'll stick to them now. No matter what, they'll run into each other, if only at meals." Zoë pointed out.

"For what you're asking, one of them would have to leave the ship. And since Saffron's paying, it'd have to be River and there's no place for her to go." Meg added. "Unless." She paused. "Well, never mind."

Mal's eyes narrowed. "Unless what?"

"Well, we're passing a planet pretty soon that a shuttle could reach." Meg shrugged. "I could divert us a little out of our course to make it an easier flight without loss of time."

"She can't go alone." Simon crossed his arms. "She recently was a federal fugitive and not everyone will have heard that the reward's been revoked."

"Meg." Mal looked up at her.

"Captain?"

"Go set your course."

Meg nodded and pushed away from the rail.

"And tell albatross to go pack a bag for a few days."

Meg lifted a hand in a mock salute to her forehead and with a sharp click of her heels she turned and marched back to the bridge.

"Zoë, Kaylee, prep the shuttle." Mal paused. "And then go to the mess. We've some thievin' to be plannin' and some little weasels to be hurtin'."

"Wait, who's going with River?" Simon asked.

"Well, as much as I'd like it to be you. I'm figuring we're going to need your special skill set here, Doc." Mal paused. "Which means it's going to have to be Jayne."

"Jayne!"

--

P.S. I'd like to thank everyone who dutifully points out my grammar and words in strange places mistakes. This is what I get for posting late at night when I terribly tired and haven't had a chance to re read the chapter. I will go back and fix it. Eventually, I swear.


	8. Chapter 8

A Mite Unpredictable  
To Hell in a Hand Basket  
Chapter Eight  
By RingPrincess

Jayne stared at his boots propped up on the shuttles console. River paced back and forth behind him muttering somewhat coherent nonsense under her breath. He didn't pay any attention, his brain to taken up with the problem of exactly why Mal had let him off the ship with River alone and en route to the nearest planet. Of course, thinking this way wasn't practical or needful at this time. The woman behind him must be rubbing off onto him as some of her phrases sounded like 'can't be quantified, defies logical sense.'

He thumped his boots to the floor and spun about to face her, sticking out a leg and trapping her between them so she couldn't move. She stared down at him, brown eyes boring into his. "We got better things to be worryin' on than Mal's motivations."

River crossed her arms. "Explain."

"I dunno, just do."

River rolled her eyes.

"I'm not the brains of this outfit."

"Cause you choose not to be."

"Hey, my plans are simple. See a thug, put a bullet in him." Jayne shrugged.

"Direct."

"And directly we're headed off to planet unknown and we _directly_ need to know what we're gonna do before we get there. Not mutterin' mumbo jumbo about Mal's inner most being, which I do not want to know. Especially since he won't be hoverin' about with a look on his face like an unmarried aunt."

River giggled. "In a pretty floral bonnet."

Jayne's lips twitched. "Yes."

"To make proper strategy we must know which war we are going to."

"We're goin' to war?"

--

"You sent them to Dionysus!" Mal roared.

Meg spun her chair about and titled her head. "You didn't exactly ask which planet, captain."

"You sent my mercenary who likes whores and gambling to a casino planet! We'll be lucky if they're not slaves. Be lucky if we get them back at all."

"It's not that bad." Meg rolled her eyes. "If they're smart they'll land in one of the outside towns. Nice countryside, quaint inns and such."

Mal's eyebrow twitched.

"Jayne ain't smart." Zoë frowned.

"Huh, coulda fooled me." Meg shrugged.

"Call 'em as I see 'em." Zoë said.

"He's smart in his own way." Meg defended.

"But not smart enough to stay out of where his nose shouldn't be and River's no better." Mal paused. "If not worse."

Meg stared dead level at Mal. "Captain, sometimes you just gotta trust people to do the right thing."

Mal turned and walked out of the bridge. "That's what I'm worried about."

Kaylee had her CAD board laid out on the table, looking over the plans of the four jeweler houses. "I understand the way of it. I don't understand the why."

"It's history," Saffron sighed. "Tiffany, Cartier, DeBeers, and Yurman were all big companies back on Earth-that-was."

"Not that, the safes, the lending out of jewelry."

"To spread their name on the hopes that someday someone will actually buy a piece or it will be seen on the neck of some rich and famous celebrity and make them rich and famous as well."

"I suppose that makes sense."

Mal leaned over the table. "As interesting as this is ladies, can we get to the part where we can make some plans."

"Plans, oh shiny captain." Kaylee smiled.

"Originally we were all to pretend to be successful companions, draw out the jewels on loan and then subtly secrete them away in our luggage." Saffron shrugged. "That way all the tags would be turned off and the jewels registered as released before we left the planet."

"Tags, everything with you woman is tagged." Mal frowned. "Can't you go after some loot that is easy to get to for once. And I don't want to be runnin' into any former husbands."

--

"What! You want me to be your husband!" Jayne's legs twitched and caused River to lose her balance. She stumbled forward and caught herself on his shoulders before she could tumble into him. Her hair swayed around them like curtains. Their eyes bored into each others, lips a few inches apart, exhaled breath moistening and tickling the sensitive skin. Jayne's hands automatically reached out and grabbed her waist to steady her. "River," the word escaped on a breath.

She licked her lips. "Jayne would be a good husband."

"Worse than Mal." Jayne tightened his grip on her and drew her closer.

"Well, Captain Bad would never know, because it would never really happen." River said as their lips brushed. "No papers, no Shepard-"

Jayne shut her up the quickest way he could think of, he kissed her. Something he'd wanted to do again for days. He tilted his head and pulled her full bottom lip into his mouth. She gasped and crawled up onto the seat with him, straddling his legs, skirt bunching up her thighs. Her hands wrapped around his neck and he could feel the hardening of her nipples against his chest. He growled and pulled away. "Darlin' are you wearing anything under this dress?"

Her eyes hooded. "Enough."

He smirked, eyes turning darker blue. "Enough?"

River brushed her lips against his. "Enough, Jayne will make a good husband."

"But you just said it would never really happen." He frowned and leaned back into the chair. River tilted her head and ran her hand through his hair.

"It won't, but we will pretend it did. No Tam, just Cobbs on Dionysus." She paused and bit her bottom lip. "On honeymoon, married in space. Captain Bad nice enough to lend us the shuttle to get us off his ship and away."

Jayne waggled his eyebrows and smirked. "So how far will this honeymoon go?"

River smiled and looked away from him. "We're there now."

"That's avoiding the gorram question." Jayne lifted her off his lap and set her on the floor. "You stay outta the way and lemme do the talkin'."

--

"It's too complicated." Meg stared at the CAD board. Saffron stared at her, as did Zoë. Meg looked at Zoë. "Just callin' 'em as I see 'em."

Mal sighed. "It is at that." He turned to Saffron. "Perhaps you best be telling us Badger's original plan."

Saffron sighed. "I already told you Badger's original plan."

"Yes, but after that."

"We were to go off world through another transport and back to Persephone."

"And the jewels were to be-" Mal waved a hand.

Saffron rolled her eyes. "In our luggage."

Simon frowned and looked at Kaylee. "Do you have any maps of the docks?"

"You have an idea, Doc?" Mal tilted his head.

"Not right now, but I can get one."

"You do that bao bei." Simon smiled and looked up at Mal. "Well, it is my experience that when wealthy people travel they leave their luggage at a central location and expect others to get it for them. If their luggage is lost, they have tags on it so it can be traced and returned."

Kaylee returned with a map of the docks. She brought it up on the board.

"Now, if we can get to the luggage before anyone else does." Simon trailed off.

"We can get the goods." Zoë nodded.

"Because of the nature of the business, security is rather light." Simon smiled. "As long as they see what they expect to see. Say the ship's pilot and second coming to get the luggage, they won't ask too many questions. If we have the proper numbers and clearances." He looked at Saffron. "And once in space, we can jettison the luggage that we don't need and take off any tags upon the jewels."

"I can do that." Kaylee nodded.

"Because, I don't know if Saffron's aware. Those tags can be reactivated from a remote location." Simon added. "My mother lost a Winston wreathe once, and they found it by reactivating the tag upon it."

Saffron flushed.

Mal's eyes widened and he smiled tightly. "Interesting that no one mentioned that little detail before now Doc. Makes a man wonder exactly what someone was planning?"

--

"So what was the big plan again?" Jayne glared at her.

River glared at him. "We don't fit in. Not my dress or your universal uniform."

"You see. If my uniform was universal I would too fit in."

"Not here."

Jayne glanced at the window of the shop they were standing outside of. "We don't have cash for this type of go se."

"Man cannot serve two masters. Money is but a tool."

"Don't make what I just said any less true. This place is a tourist trap, darlin'."

River pouted. "We're on vacation."

"Your point?"

"We're tourists."

"And?"

She widened her eyes and jutted her lip out more. "Please, Jayne."

Jayne took a deep breath and tried to resist the eyes. "Darlin' this ain't something you wanna be doin'."

River looked at the window and looked around at the different signs advertising the attractions the city had to offer. Then looked at the citizens thronging the streets, walking around them. "Tactics."

"You do know that most plans don't survive the first contact with the enemy, right?"

--

TBC...


End file.
